I'm tired and a little down this evening as I relax after a full day of intensive treatment and then work. I want to go to bed but I also want to get my exposure work done. I'm dreading doing the dishes in a way that I haven't normally lately - it probably has something to do with the fact that I have been putting them off several days and have started doing some new exposures that make me feel a bit dirty to be doing them. Other than that I need to shower - 10 minutes is the current goal. I took a 12 minute shower the other day and a 13 minute shower this morning. Those are the obstacles (or opportunities, I suppose) that await me before going to bed. Last night I put off showering for so long that I ended up not sleeping in my bed and not taking my meds (which make me sleep much better than I would otherwise). And the night before that I only got about 5 hours of sleep, so I'm a bit run-down and tired. Mostly I just feel like there's an overwhelming amount of things to do, and I'm running a little low on motivation to get them done. I like that I am staying busy. I have treatment everyday in the morning, work everyday in the afternoon, and work on top of it all on the weekends. There's not really a day off but sometimes that's good - free time leads to compulsive avoidance and compulsivity in general, but then again, taking care of myself and getting enough rest also reduces the amount of compulsions I perform.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: I'm tired, but in a good way. I dread the exposures ahead of me for the evening, but that's better than dreading compulsions - at least the exposures provide some benefit. So I'll take a break for a little while longer and then it's back to work battling my OCD for the evening. OCD doesn't rest so neither can I.