Coping with a spouse who has PTSD

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One of the more common but less understood issues that many are dealing with today, especially with the number of mutli-tour front-line troops fighting in theaters in the Middle East, is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

This disorder is not just for military veterans; it also affects those who've had traumatic incidents in their childhood, young adult life, or adulthood. Sometimes it's temporary, such as for a period after a traumatic event like a violent attack or witness to one, and other times it lies dormant only to manifest years later.

Most of what we know about PTSD comes from research done by the Veterans Administration, though the application to non-military trauma has been made with much of it. For the person suffering, PTSD can be a horrific thing to deal with, bringing anxiety, depression and more. For the spouse of a PTSD sufferer, things can be very hard to understand because not only will your spouse not want to talk about what happened, but the symptoms can put a lot of stress on a relationship as well.

Three Things to Keep in Mind

  1. You cannot fix PTSD yourself or "with love." It requires professional assessment and counseling.
  2. You cannot make your spouse happy no matter how hard you try. PTSD means that your spouse will be unhappy until it has been treated.
  3. "I should put on a brave face and not let anyone know about the PTSD" is only covering up the problem and making it worse in the long run. Be honest with yourself, your spouse and your friends and family about what is going on. It's part of the process.

How to Cope with a Spouse Who Has PTSD

A spouse with PTSD is not going to be easy to deal with on a daily basis and will add a lot of stress to you and your family. If you love this person, however, putting up with that stress is well worth it, but you and your family should learn to deal with it in a healthy way.

Give yourself space (and privacy) to cry once in a while, to vent out your feelings, etc. Find someone you can talk to - be it a clergy member, a counselor or a good friend - and vent out your feelings. Find group activities for your children that they can enjoy and use as a vent - kids are great at self-relieving stress if given opportunities to do so.

Whatever you do, do not try to hide things or bottle them up. Talk to your spouse, and occasionally go to counseling with him or her to let the counselor know that your spouse's PTSD is not being ignored by family. This participation helps you, your spouse, and your spouse's treatment plan. It's very likely that your spouse's treatment plan will include group therapy or other things that might be difficult to do at first. Offer encouragement and support.

Above all, though, remember that a marriage - even one with PTSD as a part of it - is a two-way street. You need your "you time" and activities. Work towards a balance - that's what marriage is all about.

Just remember that you're not alone in this. Get the help you and your spouse need.

 
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