I started orinially in 1998
i would check my thoughts comnpulsively and ruminate about my sexual identity
-i would compare myself to other guys,to see if i was more masculine
- taped my voice to see what it sounded like
- spent hours in the gym
- believed i wasm't really straight until i lost my virginity
- afraid of homosexuals
which is bullshit
Eventually this got out of hand and while studying abroad i had a Psychotic
episode for 7 days and had hullicinations and delusions that the whole
world thought I was gay and that I was trapped this way
I spent 2 months in a Psychiatric hospital when i got home
I forgot all about it
I came off my maintenance dose of dolmatil(antipsychotic, good drug)3 months later
everything was fine
then it started again
i started to suffer homophobic,sexual obsessions my male family members and strangers I encountered
back into hospital
My Psychiatrist put me on Seroxat 20mg and domatil 200mg
It stopped and I new who I was again it felt great and I was so sure of myself
2 years later i came off seroxat and suffered a reoccurrane and started prozac
20mg
I put up with the obsessions and ruminations and depression for 10 weeks and now they've stopped
I feel great again
I have been diagnosed with ocd ( pure obsessional)
But why the gay thin?
I was bullied about it in school because i didnt play sports
which is undersatndable coz guys can be bitching too, but I never felt confident with anything, sport, women, studies, all my life
, I was a worrier, and being a man and a worrier is not acceptable in society
people view you as senstive and soft or a week male
but really its because we overload homosexuality
with such fear and repugnance in society that people become petrified of it
Gay peolple can be good friends , I know 2 sound gay people
Now Im on 60mg of prozac and 2mg risperadal at night
Some tips
what causes this
low levels of serotonin which cause thought disturbances
thoughts and feelings get wrongly transmitted accross the synaptic cleft of neourons
Cog therapy and ocd workbook were helpful but it is really out of your control
and any cog therapist worth their money should send you to a Psychiatrist
Talking helps but to much therapy overloads the obsessions with emotional meaning , there is no big personal quest at work here, its the insect swalling plant that is ocd, My Psychiatrist wont let me see a counsellor
its purely chemical and corrects itself with drug therapy
some drugs work better then others
everyones brainchemistry is different
prozac works better than seroxat for me
if you could be better than what you are now FIND the right medication
e.g. Effexor may not work but prozac could
you need to give you anti- obsessional at least 6 weeks trial
good luck and mail me if you need some support
cheers
phoenix ( rising from the ashes)
P.s you'd think they would change the gay ocd website to homophobic ocd
it sounds better
ohh visit the famke jannsen site what a babe