I think I am suffering from depression. Husband quit his job and is now freelance writing but earns very little. I'm bearing most of the bills. Am I wrong to expect him to get a new job and earn enough for the family? We have no kids and he lacks ambition

Submitted by amycool Mon 03/21/2011

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Hi Amycool, I don't know

Submitted by Dr. Lane on Tue, 03/22/2011 - 3:15pm.

Hi Amycool,

I don't know if you have depression or not (as you didn't provide enough information). But, it certainly sounds like you are frustrated (if not angry) that your husband quit his job and is not pulling his weight financially in the marriage.

As for whether or not your expectations are wrong. I can't really say because that really depends on what you and your husband discussed (or perhaps should have discussed) early on.

Financial problems can have a significant impact on a marriage. Especially if one person feels the other isn't doing his / her part.

If your husband was miserable in his job and writing is his passion and dream, then some would argue that you should be supportive of that. However, it may have been better if he pursued the writing part time until you were in a good place financially to lose the income from his former job.

The most important thing right now is that the two of you sit down and talk about your current financial situation and your goals for the future. If you are not on the same page, then that is going to be a problem. You need to come up with a mutually agreeable plan that takes some of the burden off of you, and, if possible, allows him to pursue his dream (if that is what it is) to some degree. Unfortunately, that may not be possible.

But, if you are really unhappy about the situation it's crucial that you talk to him and let him know how you feel. Good communication is crucial to a good marriage. So you have to start there. If he doesn't respect your feelings in this then your marriage is going to remain in a precarious position. Mutual respect is a must. If you are unable to resolve this on your own then marriage counseling may need to be the next step.

I hope the two of you are able to work this out and come up with a game plan that is agreeable to both of you.

—

Dr. Lane

For Treatment Options Call (877) 331-9311

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