do i really have hocd

Okay, my bad, I thought the save thing would allow me to edit it later.

Anyway, I need help please.

I am starting to doubt that I have HOCD.
The whole thing started 2 months ago. It started with a sexual obsession. They were ideas not my own (atleast I hope not). They are of homosexual nature which really disgusted and tormented me to no end. I noticed that it works when I am around people of the same sex so I avoided everyone, even my family. During this time I started worrying that I might be gay. I questioned as to why I have been having these thoughts. I was really disgusted by it so I tried to shrug it off but it keep coming back.

What I did was I focussed on the ladies (i'm a male btw) whenever I go outside the house, even when I watch tv. I increased my straight porn viewing and m*****bated more frequently. These would only help for a short while and the thoughts would come flooding in afterwards. They didn't stop and hampered my concentration ability.

After which I worried about stories of married men going gay, and that I might be at that moment. (I am not married btw, I'm 18 yrs old) I got depressed and really thought about suicide (not anymore though). When I discovered that there is such thing as "sexual obsessions" I got momentarily relieved but the doubt is still there. Everyday I go to HOCD discussion boards to see if people have the same symptoms as I am, and they did. This would only relieve me for a short while but the doubt always returned. It is killing me because I have seen 2 psychologists and none of them diagnosed me of OCD. I am really worried. The doubt is still there + the thoughts and I am worried that I might not like the opposite sex anymore.

Please I need help! I don't wanna be gay, I've always fantasized about females only, never watched gay porn and never got turned on by guys but the doubt and the stupid anxiety is killing me. I don't even know if it is real attraction or anxiety that kicks in when I look at guys. I only want to engange in heterosexual relationship but this thing is killing me

I have never had a gf before but I've always wanted one. I've always been the shy guy, but I tried my best. When I think about having sex with a female, I always get a hard on. I don't wanna think about guys because that's disgusting. Sometimes I feel like I am in denial and it is just killing me.

Everyday I reassure myself that I may have this disease because I have checked the symptoms and I really have it. Am I just in denial? Am I turning gay? I wouldn't be able to take it

I need help please!

Please respond, anyone?

Hi Werpo1234,

My apologies for not being able to respond sooner. Based on what you describe, it does sound like you may have HOCD. If you were truly gay, you would find yourself sexually attracted to males, and that isn't what you are describing at all.

But the dilemma with HOCD is that 1000 people could reassure you that it's HOCD and you're not gay, but the anxiety and obsessive thoughts that cause you to question it will probably not stop. As you've found, it provides only temporary relief - that's the nature of the disorder.

You mentioned working with 2 different psychologists, but you didn't say why you were seeing them. If it was prior to this starting (you said just 2 months ago) then perhaps you weren't exhibiting any OCD symptoms at that time. Some people with HOCD have a history of other types of OCD symptoms, but some don't.

One of the best types of treatment for OCD (and HOCD) is a type of therapy known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It can be very effective. However, not all therapists are trained in this type of therapy or use it when treating clients.

If you have the resources to get into therapy again, I recommend that you find a psychologist (or other mental health professional) who specializes in treating OCD using this type of therapy, and who has a lot of experience as well (in other words, not someone fresh out of grad school).

I hope this helps, and please hang in there. This can get better. If at any time you start seriously contemplating suicide, please talk to someone - call 911, talk to a pastor, talk to your parents, call a local crisis line, or call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-TALK.

Thanks doc for the response. I am getting help tomorrow and hopefully we can get this thing sorted. I sure hope it is OCD (can't believe I'm saying it). I just know deep down that they are not my thoughts and that I have always wanted to be with the oppposite sex. I am sorry if I sounded a bit demanding, I was just really desperate. I know it is not a definite thing but I have something to hold onto. I now fear that I might be bi.
Is HOCD really capable of making you believe that you are gay/turning gay? Does it feel this real (assuming I do have it)? I still have the thoughts but why am I not so bothered by it. Is it possible to slightly get used to it?

Glad to hear you are getting help.

As for HOCD making you believe you're turning gay - the obsessive thoughts can be extremely compelling, and they play tricks on your mind. That is why they are so troubling.

Some people do report that the thoughts start bothering them less - perhaps due to becoming used to them or just not giving them as much attention. Those are things to discuss with your therapist who can provide more clarification.

Just thought that you should know doc, I've been diagnosed with OCD. I still have doubts, thoughts, fear about the you-know-what but I don't know, I feel slightly better. Maybe it's because it's official you know? There is always this thought it my head that it sounds too good to be true, but I believed the doctor made it clear that I do have. I sometimes fear that he may have lied or something like that; is that part of the disease or am just that stubborn? I don't know. Anyway just passing and thought that you should know doc.

First off, Dr. Lane i would really appreciate it if you could read my blog and tell me what you think. thank you!

werpo1234 i too am going through this and i know exactly how you feel man. This is the worst feeling in the world. You know you are straight, yet the obsession and the over-worrying makes you doubt yourself and your truth and because you start doubting your truth you begin questioning whether it's all true and your just in denial or if it is really the HOCD.

Some times when i think about it for too long, the anxiety becomes sort of a natural feeling, and then i start freaking out because you start believing that it is true, and every thing your saying is not the true and your in denial. But you cant just admit something like that, because deep down inside it doesnt feel right, it feels wrong. The though of being gay is just ridiculous. My whole life liking girls and being a little perv at times growning up fantasizing about girls, all of a sudden you stop liking them? Out of nowhere? No way, the mind tries to trick you and make you believe the lies.

You becom so mentally weak, you start believing everything you mind starts thinking of intrusively, and you start doubting your true self. It's like a bully bullying you and you letting him bully you because of fear that it is true. SO your not alone bro, i heard from previous sufferers that they became cure from this type of OCD but it takes facing your fears and also therapy. Im still currently still dealing with this digusting and disturbing obsession, and it has gotten to the point where i dont even wana let the anxiety and thoughts get to me, but because i try and ignore them, the mind tells me that im realizing the truth and i start getting anxiety all over again. Its a never ending mind game, and the HOCD will never let you win. It sucks man, best luck to you dude.