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Does this sound like hocd
Im a 17 yr old girl and for the past year well actually i think longer than that i have been worrying if im gay. Last year when it got real bad i couldnt eat i barely slept i feared i would have a gay dream which i have had since i have had this. When i was five i got my firt crush it was on a little boy on my teeball team and since had many crushes including one in first grade where i convinced myself i was in love with a boy. When i was 12 is when i think this began but i got over it alittle and then last year it was crippling but anyways when i was 12 my friend told me this girl in our pe class was gay and i thought she was hinting that i was and i went home to my mom crying and kept having her reassure me i wasnt but that summer there was this little girl i thought was so cool and wanted to be just like her and be her friend and i remember my parents watching a rated r movie and i walked in and it had this lady stripping on the screen and a month later i pictured that little girl doing that but ever since i have had guy crushes i just feel no one likes me and the other day i had this fantasy about me and this guy doing it and i was really aroused but i was worried i wouldnt feel like that in real life and i worry that maybe lesbians have these fantasies but ever since this hocd i have lost my attraction to guys its like i cant concentrate on anything and when i was 7 i did it with this little boy and loved it but now im starting to wonder if all my crushes where false i keep telling myself i forced myself to like those guys and im so scared i cant keep doing this i am going to go crazy. I have drifted from my friends and family im always mad and thinking its like i cant stop thinking and how do itell my mom if i do have hocd. Im scared i used to worry i was dying of cancer or heart diseas and spend every waking hour searching for symptoms and diseases help me please
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Hi Flowerbug, I doubt you are
Hi Flowerbug,
I doubt you are gay, and I highly doubt all your crushes on boys have been false. Nor did you likely "force" yourself to like those guys.
As for the girl you thought was so cool - that is very normal for adolescent and pre-adolescent girls to admire another girl and wish they were just like her and want to be her friend. VERY normal. That's not the same as being sexually attracted to her or having a "crush" on her.
It sounds like you may have OCD (or HOCD - OCD in which the primary obsessions are about being gay) and it is really impacting your life. At the very least you have certainly had a lot of anxiety over the years.
If you feel your parents are supportive I suggest you talk to them (or your mom, if you're the most comfortable with her) about how much anxiety you are experiencing. Let her know that it is making it very difficult to concentrate as well. It really sounds like you need treatment, which starts with an evaluation by a mental health professional.
Therapy is the best form of treatment for OCD and anxiety in general, but medication in addition to therapy may also help. If cost is an issue for your parents there may be a therapist or mental health clinic in your area that will see patients on a sliding fee (a fee based on income) which makes it more affordable.
I hope this helps. You're not crazy, but this type of anxiety can make you feel that way at times.
Dr. Lane
Thanks so much im even
Thanks so much im even doubting when you said at the very least anxiety i know i shouldnt freak out about little things like that i looked at hocd symptoms and i check for almost all of them i have had great dreams about me being in relationships with boys and woke up so happy,i want to be sexually involved with a guy the idea of actually doing it makes me giddy and excited,i want to look good for guys i could care diddly squat how girls think i look, i love flirting with guys it gives me such a thrill and i think i made a bigger deal about that thing when i was 12 because i kept checking that memory for evidence to see if i was gay or not and before hocd that memory didnt scare me at all. How do i tell my mom this when i dont have typical ocd compulsions but last year i had all the symptoms of hypochoondriasis and my mom didnt know every 5 secs i thought i was dying of terminally ill cancer or heart disease and i dont know how to tell her.