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HOCD or Sexually Confused?

I believe at most I'm bisexual...

To put it plainly...I think I may have a sexual obsession and HOCD
I have this sexual fat fetish for men, but that's all I really focus on, the weight, not anything like penis or whatever, nor do I actually have like an emotional attraction or something. But that is as far as the attraction goes for guys, I don't want to be dominate towards them nor put my stuff inside or a real emotional relationship blah blah blah. Before I had this HOCD, I believed I still had more of a sexual attraction to girls, even admitting I was more attracted to the fetish too. But after the question, "Am I homosexual" came up in my mind, I've seriously been freaking out for 6-7 months. It's like a constant reminder that repeats in my head everyday and it makes me feel horrible, like a dose of anxiety and depression mixed together. It's gotten to the point where I've had suicidal thoughts and even compulsively masturbated where I'm completely drained of energy...its like I'm slowly killing myself. I've screamed at myself when "gay thoughts" related that I don't even mean comes up like "He's cute", I immediately throw it off and become angry at myself for saying it. Even though I'm attracted to the fat, I don't really like anything else when it comes to men...I've checked myself to see if I was completely gay by watching videos outside of the usual description of my weight fetish, I haven't had a sincere erections I believe, barely even erections. Also, my attraction to women is not as strong as it used to be, maybe because I think I have more of a emotional attraction or something, and I've been very depressed...when I felt confidence and good about myself, I found it more easily to be aroused...I don't know I really need help.

Hi Job, It definitely sounds

Hi Job,

It definitely sounds like you have symptoms of HOCD, although I'm not sure you actually have a true fetish (at least based on what you've described).

You asked in a previous post if it is possible to be bisexual and have HOCD. I'm not 100% sure, but I would say yes. Because the primary symptom of HOCD is obsessive thoughts (and accompanying anxiety) about being gay. So, in that sense, it is theoretically possible. But, if you are truly bisexual, then it's a bit different than for someone who is straight with HOCD - although the obsessions are the same. However, some of the underlying issues would likely be different.

As for your attraction to women being less than it was - that could be partially due to the intense anxiety you've been experiencing. Without more history, it's hard to say.

Your suicidal thoughts are concerning (although not uncommon with this). I strongly encourage you to get treatment if possible (I don't know if you are a teen living at home, or an adult male on his own, and thus what your resources are in terms of finances and health insurance).

One of the best types of treatment for OCD (and HOCD) is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). If at all possible, I hope you can find a psychologist or other mental health professional who is trained in CBT and has used it to effectively treat past clients with OCD. Not all therapists are qualified to treat this complex disorder.

If your suicidal thoughts continue, and if at any point you think you might act on them, please talk to someone - your parents, a close friend, a teacher, a school counselor, a pastor - or call 911 or go to the nearest hospital ER. You can also call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

I hope this helps.

Dr. Lane

Thank you, Dr. Lane.

Thank you, Dr. Lane.

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