is doubting one s memory a sign of ocd : i have sudden doubts concerning a incident that happened 4 years . was drunk with a guy and he fingered me , now i doubt he had anal sex with me but i was too drunk or couldnt tell and i fear hiv

i never gave this incident

i never gave this incident much thought , and just before it i had an hiv test and than i met my boyfreind ,i told him about it back than and said it was a bit traumatic experience to me cause i went to this guy house , i didnt even liked the guy and he was known to take drugs ( cocaine ) but once i was in his house he wanted to have sex with me , i refused but he kept trying and i was a bit drunk and was like 3 in the morning so i thought it was better to wait till morning to leave but than he kept trying to touch me , we were both on his bed , so i pushed him and moved to the other end of the bed , and suddenly i felt his hand in my pants and he fingering me , as this was 4 years ago , i dont remember every detail , but back than , it was the incident of him fingering me what bothered me as never else happened beside maybe a bit of touching , but now i m doubting that maybe what i thought to be fingering was anal sex , the reason of doubt that i didnt see , he did this while i was turning my back to him and also back than i didnt have real sexual experience plus dont know how to say this i couldnt back than understand why someone would finger a girl ( in the ass) , but i told my boyfreind about this maybe 3 years ago and had no doubt than about what happened , nor i thought it could represent any possibilty of tansmitting sexual deseases ,
please answer , what do u think ?

Sorry to hear about your

Sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. A sexual assault can be very upsetting, even years later. Sometimes in an event such as this you may not even realize how much it truly affected you. OCD is often referred to as the doubting disease, and the questions you are asking yourself are OCD sounding in nature.

Sexual assaults often lead to PTSD, which causes one a lot of distress and to relive the event over and over. A traumatic event can also be a trigger that draws out some dormant, existing condition. So it is certainly possible that this stressful event finally triggered OCD in you.

Despite being so sure about what happened when you told your boyfriend, you did point out that you were inexperienced so it wouldn’t hurt to be tested again to be sure. However, make sure you only get tested once. Someone with OCD would find a reason to doubt the test results if negative and get tested over and over as a compulsion, which is exactly the type of thing you want to avoid.

Best of luck,
Dr. Williams

Monnica T. Williams, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist specializing in OCD

Wow, that is intense stuff.

Wow, that is intense stuff. I'm not sure that memory fuzziness is an attribute of OCD.

ok , i m asking because i

ok , i m asking because i suffered once from ocd about hiv , like i would fear to catch hiv in the most unusual ways like touching , kissing , sharing food . it was a severe case , but i recovered . and that incident happened during this period of obssessing about hiv , funny enough , i got drunk cause i wanted to forget my intrusive thoughts , that didnt work well at all , alcohol is very bad for ocd people . actually i dont think my memory is fuzzy , it wasnt at first , but when i began to doubt my memory , it became fuzzy , if u have ocd , u ll understand , the constant question : what if this happened but i didnt remember , could it be ? and than i dont trust my own memory , but this time it was strange cause my ocd was usually about doubting my short memory , like i would close the door than go back to check i really closed it but this time i m doubting my long term memory and thats difficult cause after 4 years , we dont remember every detail so its hard to proove anything , ......

I do suffer from OCD, but as

I do suffer from OCD, but as you know not everyone has the same type. I have a combination of checker/washer/orderer with some pure o religious. There are many forms of it and we all manifest our compulsions and obsessions in different ways. It seems quite possible that perhaps your OCD was not the root contributing to the questioning of your memory for this perticular instance. It can simply be the influence of alcohol on this given day.

thank you for replying , by

thank you for replying , by the way what is pure o , is it pure obssessional thoughts not followed by any compulsions , well i have that a lot ,like i would obssess about anything ,even with my work , if i have a paper to do , i will think about every minute of the day , no rest . i think ocd is very intelligent , like it come back to hunt us each time for different thoughts , i m good now cause i m convinced doubting my memory is my ocd talking , cause i ve already told the story to my boyfreind like 2 years ago and havent any doubts , plus i remember many details about that night but like my brain is playing me , if something happened , i would have known , never at that night i passed out , plus dont think the situation i m doubting is possible , one has to be crasy to have sex and not know it or to be confused between theses 2 situation as the feeling is not the same , i could not have been rapped without me knowing and remembering it the next day as i told you ( just the incident of fingering ) plus even i talked to that guy after this and the asshole told me : '' well if i had condoms that night , u would have slept with me '' , and that bothered me a lot and made me hate myself for going out with him , it is my guilt for putting myself in this situation , what also proves to me that my fear is illogical that my boyfriend laughed at me then when i continued to doubt , if anyone should be concerned about this , it is him , he cares very much for his health , but he was seriously concerned about my mental condition , cause i told him about all this long time ago and didnt have any doubts , i should just forgive myself , we all do mistakes , and should be thankfull that the guy didnt really rape me or something worst .

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