My sub- concius (or something) is "controling" me

So like i've had this before, but I got it to go away, but I don't remeber how...
anyway.. "it" makes me do and redo things.... it's really hard to explain............ Ok If I see a book over lapping my desk, I have to breath in, and simulitlys move it down, the move it back up, but to where I can see the edge of the table... umm I normally have to (inhale first) then step with my right foot, rub my left foot onto my right as it's coming foward, and then step with the right again. Or if I'm walking a longer distance than a few feet, I must start out on my right and go from there. And all of this isn't just sometimes, it's ALL the time, like every minute, because it's with EVREY LITTLE THING I DO!
Now here is were it get's complicated, and scary. If I don't do things EXACTLY right, it remindes me of the reason that I'm doing this, Sally is my famliy's 12 year old brown and white female bassest hound, and I want her to Live As Long As Possible.. A.K.A, as long as SHE want's to.... Now i've had trhis for a little over a year now... and it's getting really bad.... Nothing life threating, just where it's starting to invole other people, and I'll ask them to back up to this certain spot, so I can do this.. ETC.
Maybe I'm scared of death, maybe i'm serosly crazy (not really, this normally doesn't make me do weird things in places where people would notice.) But I'm so confused, and I've tried praying, and pleading, but I don't know if it's God, and he's telling me to do this for my wish, or if it's just me or I've even had the thought that it's the devil... I DON'T KNOW! Just Please help me...:) Thank You! <3

Hi Dixie,
What you are describing sounds like classic OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder. You are engaging in compulsive behaviors (rubbing your foot, stepping, etc, in a certain way) - and, if I understood you correctly, you somehow have connected that behavior with keeping your dog alive as long as possible (correct me if I am wrong - that is how I interpreted your post).

This may also go a bit deeper for you, in terms of the connection you are making between your dog's health and longevity and your behaviors. I can tell you that your compulsive behaviors will not affect - in any way - how long your dog lives. But if you deeply believe that then that is another issue.

Based on what you are saying, I believe you have OCD and you need treatment for it. I strongly encourage you to set up an evaluation with a mental health professional - preferably a psychologist or psychiatrist - and if possible, someone who specializes in the treatment of OCD or who is at least very experienced with treating this disorder, as it is a challenging disorder to treat.

I hope this helps. It sounds like it is causing a lot of distress for you, so I hope you are able to get help soon. This is probably not something you are going to be able to do on your own.

Okay, Thank You VERY Much! but I can't just ignore it completely? And I know it's probally not going to help Sally, it's just I started Hoping, Praying, and Pleading ALOT, and it just started up again. So Again, I can't just ignore it? Or maybe go to a school counsler?

Hi Dixie,
Yes, you can try to just ignore it, and if that works for you, that would be wonderful. The reason I stated that I doubted this was something you could overcome on your own was because you said: "And all of this isn't just sometimes, it's ALL the time, like every minute, because it's with EVREY LITTLE THING I DO!" The way you described the compulsive behavior made it sound like it is controlling your life in many ways. Most people are not able to just "ignore" something that intense. But you can certainly try. If you find that you are not able to ignore it successfully, then I really encourage you to seek help. If your school counselor is unable to help you, he or she may be able to give you a referral to a mental health professional who can.

It really does help to do the opposite of whatever the OCD wants you to do. That is called "exposure: and it's one of the best ways to beat back the OCD. The other proven technique is "ritual prevention," which means ignoring the OCD, as Dr. Lane encouraged you to do. If you can do both of these things, you are well on your way to feeling better.
It's not easy, so if you can't stick to it, you will need to get the help of an OCD professional.
Best of luck,
Dr. Williams

Dixie,
I am very glad you talked to your school counselor, but do wonder if she gave you any referrals. Also, while certain types of foods and chemicals can affect our mood, I think it would be quite a stretch to attribute your compulsive behaviors primarily to diet.

I don't believe these particular behaviors are specific to or caused by your depression. I think this is a separate issue, although your depression is very likely contributing to the sadness you feel.

You keep referring to "it" - as if you believe there is a power or entity of some sort outside of you that is making you do these things. I don't know your personal religious beliefs or your cultural background, so I don't know the basis of that belief. But most mental health professionals, myself included, will regard this as part of your psychological makeup - not something outside of you. I think it will be very hard for you to make progress in overcoming it as long as you see it as something separate from yourself.

As for worrying about Sally - it is very difficult to stop yourself from worrying altogether - but when you do find yourself obsessing about her welfare, I encourage you to get involved in an activity that puts your focus elsewhere - e.g. a hobby, schoolwork, household chores, going for a walk.

If these compulsive behaviors and thought pattens continue, I strongly encourage you to have an evaluation by a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other licensed mental health professional who, if needed, can work with you directly on an ongoing basis.