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making a dicission

hello! I;m an iranien girl. in our culture we shouldn't have sex till we get maried. but my boyfriend wants me to have sex with him, and he reasures me that we will get maried after 5 years. on the other hand we are blind and his mother don't let us to marry because of our blindness. but my boyfriend says that after 5 years he will convince her to let us marry. but I'm not sure of that. I really really love him, but I'm affraid that we can't live with each other at last. and I get sad and unhappy after we brake up. now what should I do? your idea is very important for me, thanks bita

Hi Bita, My apologies for not

Submitted by Dr. Lane on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 5:25am.

Hi Bita,

My apologies for not responding much sooner.

I am not familiar with your culture, so my advice will be based on U.S. culture. I don't know what is acceptable or expected in your country.

I don't know how old you are, but of course your boyfriend wants sex - he's a guy. Promising you that he will marry you 5 years down the road (again, not knowing your culture) so you will have sex with you now sounds like he is manipulating you. 5 years is a LONG time, and a lot may change between now and then in both of our lives.

If you are under the age of 18, I think it would be very wise for you to hold off on sex. I would also hold off until YOU are ready - no matter how old you are. If he really loves you and really wants to marry you, he'll honor your wishes. Don't ever let anyone pressure you into sex.

If you do decide to have sex with him, then make sure you can live with the possibility that your relationship might not last 5 years or lead to marriage. In other words, make sure it is YOUR decision and not due to his pressuring you.

I hope this helps.

—

Dr. Lane

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