You get out of bed a half dozen times to check the door locks before you can fall asleep, or you sit quietly in office meetings because you are fearful of sharing your opinions, or you religiously work out at the gym to stave off every ounce of fat, or the basement is so full of old magazines and newspapers and useless items that it cannot be used for anything else.
You are a dad living with mental illness.
The thing to focus on is not that the symptoms of your disorder will be evident to your children as they grow up, which they will, but that love is louder and stronger than any symptom of any mental health disorder.
All Parents Are Flawed
You will not be a perfect father to your children, and until the human condition changes, meaning we evolve into something less flawed, your children will grow up to be imperfect parents as well. However, if your children go through life knowing that you loved them, you would have succeeded as a dad.
Even men with anxiety, OCD, depressive, and impulse control problems can demonstrate love to their children. Your kids may someday wish you had been better at certain things or could have lost a bad habit or two, but knowing they were and are loved will always shine brighter than your flaws.
Tips for Dads
- Just enjoy your child’s company. Let them know it is fun to watch them play soccer or that you enjoy their company while watching a game or movie on TV. Play with them and let the goal be to have fun.
- Babies, toddlers, young children and older children need the affectionate, caring, physical touch of their parents (or other care givers) for optimal mental and emotional development.
- One of the highest forms of love is respect. Children are people who need guidance and discipline, but they must also be treated with respect if they will respect others, their self and you.
- If you have symptoms that hinder your ability to function or which prevent you from fully engaging in relationships, man-up and get some counseling. You cannot successfully hide your problems from your children, and they will benefit by knowing that you are doing something about yours.
- If your issues are severe, it is important to be honest with your children about them. Children have a habit of blaming themselves for their parents' problems and try to somehow make up for them. When you take responsibility for your symptoms, it takes the pressure off your kids.
- If your problems have a detrimental effect on your family’s functioning, get your family into counseling. Consider it an act of love.
- No matter what your problems, you can role model good values.
- Nothing cuts through all of the crap in life better than laughter. “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” ~ John Wilmot
Enjoy Father's Day – all year long.
