Loss of Hope in Brain Damage OCD

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Posted by Michael on August 29, 2000:
My name is Michael. I am 21 years old was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder 5 years ago. Most of my obsessions are related to damage to my body, especially to my brain. I am still stuck in a worry about an incident
that happened six months ago. There seems to be now way I can be sure whether any damage was caused or not.

In the incident I felt very dizzy and had feelings of unreality for about half an hour after masturbation. Then I had an unusual pain in my chest and felt like I was dying. I am sorry for talking about personal issues like this.

I am worried that the bad dizziness and feelings of unreality that I felt for half an hour are related to some kind of ischemic damage to the brain or damage from low blood sugar. I was on Zoloft at the time, could this have contributed to ischemia, if there was ischemia. I feel like o.d.ing on the paxil I am taking at the moment, because I feel there is just no solution to the problem.

Is it possible that if, in parts of the brain, the blood flow was marginal or there was low blood sugar, that there could be small areas of damaged tissue which wouldn't be picked up by a scan but could still cause impairment?

If it was global ischemia could some of the cells in the hippocampus area have died.

I can't afford a CT scan at the moment, and feel there is now way that I can be sure whether there is any damage or not. I've also heard that if the damaged areas are small, they won't be picked up by a scan.

I have been taking Paxil for the last two months. I have been on 40 mg for the last month and don't feel any better. My psychiatrist is supposed to be laying a foundation for CBT, but it is taking ages and I don't even know whether CBT will help. I am failing my course at college at the moment and am so far behind. I have just written an exam and failed it, leaving most of the questions out. There seems to be no way I can be sure whether any brain damage was caused or not. I can't go on living like this and suicide seems the only answer.


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