Re: gay chat rooms...

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Posted by Greg on May 7, 2002:
In Reply to: Re: gay chat rooms... posted by curable to an extent on May 2, 2002:
>>I know it's been a few days since I posted on this topic but I've been thinking about it off an on since then.
Upon further consideration, perhaps a gay chat room isn't the best place to perform exposure exercises. It's not that the anxiety is bad -- that's what you want. But by going into a chat room people assume you want to meet other men and/or women for a romantic relationship.
Then you'd have some explaining to do. Folks there would probably then try to convince you that you were only denying your true sexual self. Exposure, I believe, should be of a non-editorial nature, meaning that one shouldn't have to actively fight proselytizing.
The aim is to let the anxiety-producing situations speak for themselves, where gradually you're desensitized. It's not that you're trying to convince yourself of anything. At the end, the aim is not to KNOW whether you're gay or not; it's to be relaxed with the uncertainty. -- Greg

>>��the hocd part can be cured, but 9/10 times your obsessions will move onto something else that is important to you. You can get better to the point where you can say "I'm better." And not just it waxes and wanes. im at the point where it "waxes and wanes." But I believe I can get better then this. its up to you though. also going into gay chat rooms wouldnt be recommended by doctors. if youre going in there and asking how did you know if you were gay, then you're doing it as a compulsion. if you want to do erp on your own. you have to figure out what scares you the most. and use that as a stepping stone. so if you fear the "coming out" to your friends and family the most, you could do some erp with that. perhaps reading stories from comingoutstories.com, or doing a loop tape about you coming out. the loop tape should be done in first person, present tense.

>>��its not impossible to get fully cured. nothing is impossible. but if you dont have the resources to make it happen, then yeah, it's pretty hard to get some where. especially if you dont have a therapist who specializes in ocd, its even harder.

>>��>>��>>I don't know that a gay chat room would be particularly effective for exposure therapy, because the assumption would be that you're there to strike up a romantic relationship. You may be fending people off.
>>��>>��Then again, you'd be in the privacy of your own home. No one is going to come hunt you down. If you can get over the anxiety of being hit on by a gay person other worries would probably seem smaller.
>>��>>��No exposure to what scares you is going to be comfortable. Exposure therapy says that you fight through the anxiety level until it's no longer uncomfortable. Then you move onto something else until nothing fazes you. That's the idea anyway.
>>��>>��A more practical approach might be -- and this isn't an original idea by the way -- to intentionally make a gay friend and allow that friend to introduce you to other folks. You would give no indication that you're "interested" in any of these people unless that's what you really want. I doubt anybody here really does or they wouldn't obsess about being gay -- they'd just go out and do it.
>>��>>��This board is sometimes a little frustrating in that people want to assure each other and pass on encouragement but when it comes to actually doing the work to get better everybody freaks out. There's a difference between talk and action.
>>��>>��Talking with someone will temporarily make you feel better. You may even eventually push the thoughts to the back of your mind but if you don't perform exposure exercises -- even modest ones -- that beast will come back stronger than ever.
>>��>>��I know from experience. Not until I decided not to be afraid of the gay subject did my situation improve. I say improve. I'm not all the way better. Probably never will be. OCD waxes and wanes but really never leaves.
>>��>>��You have to accept it as part of you -- not a flaw or weakness but just part of who you are. And you need to take a closer look at what's scaring you to truly decide just how frightening it is.

>>��>>��
>>��>>��>>��Don't do it. They are filled with aggressive homosexuals out to make the whole world gay.

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>>  >>I know it's been a few days since I posted on this topic but I've been thinking about it off an on since then.
>>  Upon further consideration, perhaps a gay chat room isn't the best place to perform exposure exercises. It's not that the anxiety is bad -- that's what you want. But by going into a chat room people assume you want to meet other men and/or women for a romantic relationship.
>>  Then you'd have some explaining to do. Folks there would probably then try to convince you that you were only denying your true sexual self. Exposure, I believe, should be of a non-editorial nature, meaning that one shouldn't have to actively fight proselytizing.
>>  The aim is to let the anxiety-producing situations speak for themselves, where gradually you're desensitized. It's not that you're trying to convince yourself of anything. At the end, the aim is not to KNOW whether you're gay or not; it's to be relaxed with the uncertainty. -- Greg

>>  
>>  >>��the hocd part can be cured, but 9/10 times your obsessions will move onto something else that is important to you.  You can get better to the point where you can say "I'm better."  And not just it waxes and wanes.  im at the point where it "waxes and wanes."  But I believe I can get better then this.  its up to you though.  also going into gay chat rooms wouldnt be recommended by doctors.  if youre going in there and asking how did you know if you were gay, then you're doing it as a compulsion.  if you want to do erp on your own.  you have to figure out what scares you the most.  and use that as a stepping stone.  so if you fear the "coming out" to your friends and family the most, you could do some erp with that.  perhaps reading stories from comingoutstories.com, or doing a loop tape about you coming out.  the loop tape should be done in first person, present tense.

>>  >>��its not impossible to get fully cured.  nothing is impossible.  but if you dont have the resources to make it happen, then yeah, it's pretty hard to get some where.  especially if you dont have a therapist who specializes in ocd, its even harder.

>>  >>��>>��>>I don't know that a gay chat room would be particularly effective for exposure therapy, because the assumption would be that you're there to strike up a romantic relationship. You may be fending people off.
>>  >>��>>��Then again, you'd be in the privacy of your own home. No one is going to come hunt you down. If you can get over the anxiety of being hit on by a gay person other worries would probably seem smaller.
>>  >>��>>��No exposure to what scares you is going to be comfortable. Exposure therapy says that you fight through the anxiety level until it's no longer uncomfortable. Then you move onto something else until nothing fazes you. That's the idea anyway.
>>  >>��>>��A more practical approach might be -- and this isn't an original idea by the way -- to intentionally make a gay friend and allow that friend to introduce you to other folks. You would give no indication that you're "interested" in any of these people unless that's what you really want. I doubt anybody here really does or they wouldn't obsess about being gay -- they'd just go out and do it.
>>  >>��>>��This board is sometimes a little frustrating in that people want to assure each other and pass on encouragement but when it comes to actually doing the work to get better everybody freaks out. There's a difference between talk and action.
>>  >>��>>��Talking with someone will temporarily make you feel better. You may even eventually push the thoughts to the back of your mind but if you don't perform exposure exercises -- even modest ones -- that beast will come back stronger than ever.
>>  >>��>>��I know from experience. Not until I decided not to be afraid of the gay subject did my situation improve. I say improve. I'm not all the way better. Probably never will be. OCD waxes and wanes but really never leaves.
>>  >>��>>��You have to accept it as part of you -- not a flaw or weakness but just part of who you are. And you need to take a closer look at what's scaring you to truly decide just how frightening it is.

>>  
>>  >>��>>��
>>  >>��>>��>>��Don't do it.  They are filled with aggressive homosexuals out to make the whole world gay.

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