Re: hocd acting up again

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Posted by Lynn on May 9, 2002:
In Reply to: hocd acting up again posted by anonymous on May 8, 2002:

Instrusive thoughts are the worst. They DO creep up on you-you can be doing anything-working, watching TV and all of a sudden BAM it hits, then you can't shake it. Intrusive thoughts have been my worst OCD symptom. Not just the kind you had, but gastly, bloody images. Daily-for years! It IS just your brain-NOT you, like the last post said. It's hard to get a grip on that, because that's what OCD does. DON'T let it control you-

>>  for the past couple of days, reading straityes post and figuring out that nobody will never know anything 100%, my hocd subsided, and my usual other obsessions came out. or perhaps they are not even obsessions. maybe they are real.

>>  im not sure what to believe anymore. last night as i was surfing the internet i was just reading my regular websites, and out of no where an instrusive thought popped into my head. it was a homosexual image. it came out of right field. out of no where. it was insane! i was like where in the world did this come from? then all of a sudden i had the feeling that maybe i liked it (did anyone ever have this feeling?) from that point on it was going to be a rough night. a rought night it was. after that, i went to take a shower, completed my shower, and just laid on the bed. my girlfriend kept asking what was wrong. she obviously knew something was really bothering me. i told her nothing, and that i was tired.

>>  has anyone ever experienced this? i mean it just came out of no where and it felt as if i might have liked it. then it start my cycle all over again. its so tough you know. i was doing pretty good. im not even sure how it started up with the gay fears again. weird. i guess im looking for reassurance just to see if this has ever happend. or if perhaps, my real self is starting to show.

>>  ive held my checking back really good. i was about to go to a gay porn site to see if i liked it. i fought that compulsion, and it worked. but the lingering thought is just in my mind.

>>  anyways, hope someone who has gone through the same thing that im writing about can help me out, thanks.

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