Re: To Ligeia

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Posted by LIGEIA on May 13, 2002:
In Reply to: To Ligeia posted by John 16's Mom on April 29, 2002:
I will really like to thank you for your reply..but i am not convinced:( I haven't started medication yet, nor CBT. My doctor thinks that she should give me some pills. I do this exercise twice a day: i think of my obsessions for 30 minutes exactly, at a predetermined time. When intrusive thoughts occure during the day, i have to say "no it is not your time". When they become really annoying i have to say "it's not you, it's OCD". Then my mind answers: You know it's the REAL you. Admit it!Dont try to hide from it, you never will... Then i look at my boyfriend and i am depressed(to me that is a proof that i am gay) cause my mind says: He would be perfect for you, if you weren't gay. But now you just have to leave him. Is this reaction normal? Isn't that a proof that i am a lesbian?
Some people in here wrote(they made me really anxious)that i have to accept the possibility that i might be gay. How can i live with that? How can i raise a nice home if i am not sure about the most important thing in the world (for me)? How can i love my husband truly and deeply when i am haunted by this nightmare? I ve seen in films, women living their men for another woman(one was a true story). How can i be sure that this WONT happen to me?
I beg GOD to take my life. Never let me become gay or bisexual. Commiting suicide in an alternative for me.
I've always had crushes for men...really big ones...What if i have changed?
I am really bad today. I would be grateful if you gave me a list of the good books on gay ocd. Thank you for your time.

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