Re: gay or hocd?--a contraversial hypothesis

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Posted by mercy(long) on May 19, 2002:
In Reply to: Re: gay or hocd?--a contraversial hypothesis posted by Shannon on May 18, 2002:
I will be real straightforward what you said really bothered me.
Mainly because this is your theory and I doubt you have any medical background to back this up.
Everyone whether they have ocd or not has bad thoughts but not everyone acts them out or wants to. People with ocd have the bad thought and then it bothers them to the point of anxiety attacks and sometimes physical sickness. They dont enjoy having being tormented by bad thoughts that come from out of nowhere nor do they enjoy the endless rituals. We ocders are overthinkers overworriers our consiece is overactive where people who do bad things they want to and they do them and they probably dont care how there lifes affect others. God forgives and I truly dont think he doesnt want us to hate ourselfs over this it is like you are saying we who suffer from this illness are being punished well Jesus died for our sins God isnt here to punish us. And furthermore this is a real illness, a real mental illness and you wouldnt tell people who had cancer well they probably wanted to die is why they are sick, palease I dont want to molest people or kill anyone it is an awful, sick thought that repulses me to the point I starved myself to a very sick stage to try and avoid these thoughts. Also the thoughts(the content of them, hocd, or any other particular one) I feel is brought on by how you were raised and it is probably the fear you fear most. I was afraid as a young girl that I would be molested, I was terrified of this, but was I ever, no. Did I secretly want to be, hell no. But that is the nature of ocd, a real disorder. People who have hocd I am no expert but maybe as a child they were brought up to fear that or seen other peoples views on that and thought wow what a horrible life to have to bear who knows but my point is that it is sometimes many fears depending on the severity, are you trying to say that a person with hocd and molestation fears and killing fears and crazy or becoming crazy is all of those things deep down inside. That is awful. In my opinion that person who has a ocd diagnosis in my opinion would be the least likely to act out on those things, because they spend sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much time avoiding things just to keep the thoughts at bay. I am not wanting to sound mean but what you said probably has done little to help those who suffer so horribly from this ocd stuff I mean the last thing I wanted to see was that well God showed mne this and maybe we all would act out our fears I dont buy into that lie for one second. We are not all murders, we are not all gay, we are not all perverts, we are not all crazy, and so on and so on. Most all do however suffer from a real illness in which we are bombarded with bad and disgusting thoughts that is why we are here to find relief and support.

Hey there. I'm actually been exploring some new theories behind OCD--theories that are probably somewhat controversial but that I'd love to bounce off other members of this board. I know that a lot of people say that with OCD, the anxious fears we have are things that we would never actually enjoy. But I've been doing a LOT of soul searching lately, and I'm starting to think that the reason we get so freaked out by our OCD fears is because they ARE, in reality, acts we are potentially capable of committing, and enjoying as well. I think we're just too scared to admit that to ourselves, because that would mean hell.

>>  Maybe the risk of us actually acting out our OCD fears is small, but it's still there. And for us to see the evil that lies in our hearts, to see how sick we really are--that TERRIFIES us and launches us into despair, and so we condemn, condemn, condemn ourselves--as if condemning ourselves gets us off the hook. I think it's our way of maintaining control--if WE condemn ourselves, then maybe we can do it before someone else does, and that way someone else will be nice to us. Am I making any sense? My point is this--I think that OCD is a war between self-indulgence and self-torture. We would LOVE to be able to indulge our sickest fantasies, and when we realize this it scares us to death, so we beat ourselves to death as if to prove--"See! I'm not enjoying this! I'm not enjoying this!" So now what? Do we despair at the true evil in our hearts? OR, do we rejoice in the fact that Christ KNOWS we are evil and died for us anyway? Do we bash ourselves with guilt, or do we humble ourselves to admit that we are sick and need Jesus just as much as everybody else? This verse gives me hope like I never expected: "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, BUT the SICK. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17) It's not the healthy that Jesus came for--it's US--the sickest of them all--isn't that beautiful?

>>  I don't know if I'm making sense or not--those are just my thoughts on the truth behind HOCD and OCD in general. Please tell me if this sounds totally like a bunch of rambling or if you understand what I'm trying to say.

>>  Love and blessings,
>>  Shannon

>>  >>  i understand that anxiety and fear are hallmarks of hocd and this is what i feel. i relate to everyones posts about hocd and being scared and consumed with thoughts all the time.

>>  >>  but i've had some gay fantasies in the past but i never want to actually do them for real. i thought about going down on guys, and i've wondered what it would feel like to be penetrated. i actually enjoyed it a number of times.

>>  >>  but like many of you i always had straight fantasies and sexual desire for females in school or on the street, etc. i never met a man that i wanted to have sex with although i had the fantasies a couple of times. i guess i had homosexual fantasies (oral sex, some anal sex, etc) about 5% of the time, the rest was straight sex. i never had the fantasies growing up, just for a brief period in my twenties.

>>  >>  now, this has sparked much panic and fright within me. i know i masturbated while thinking about going down on a guy and i did it on several occassions. but i also thought about doing it way more to females and that's what i want to act out in my life. also, there was never any emotional ties or desire to know or date men. just some sex acts in my fantasy life.
>>  >>  now i feel consumed with anxiety and fear that i'm gay and i have all the symtoms that are described in the posts here. its very much like reading about myself. the only difference is that i'm very afraid because i've had these thoughts and fantasies. but in real life my actual desire is to be with females.

>>  >>  i'm terrified i'm gay or bisexual or something. have any of you hocd sufferers had homosexual fantasies?

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