Re: OCD with salvation


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Posted by lilflower on May 27, 2002:
In Reply to: OCD with salvation posted by Hannah on May 25, 2002:
>>  This is my first time to post a message, and the words are difficult to form. I have never before revealed my secret about OCD to anyone other than my family and my therapist. I thought this would be easy to do, but when confronted with a screen, it is somewhat intimidating. To begin,I am in my forties and have been married for over twenty years. I have a master's degree and have been an educator for more than twenty years. I have always dealt with OCD; even when I was very young I had numerous obsessions. My mother took me to a doctor when I was a small child, and the doctor described the obsessive thoughts and compulsions as "tics". He assured her they would go away as I grew up. Well, I'm grown and unfortunately OCD is still here!

>>  I have dealt with a whole range of obsessions, but the one that causes me the most turmoil is about my salvation. I have a horrible fear that I am not saved and I will go to hell. I have prayed for salvation thousands of times, but the thoughts continue to return with "What If" your not saved. I have been caught in the web of looking up scriptures and rereading them numerous times along with other rituals. Of course, as you know, the rituals may resolve the problem for a short time, but the fear returns with a greater vengence. I seem to walk around living life with the burden of "What If". I know the plan of salvation, and I know that salvation is a free gift given to anyone who realizes that he is a sinner and then places his trust in Jesus as Lord and Savior.

>>  My walk with the Lord has always been the most important area of my life. Dealing with this particular obsession through the years, has taken a toll on my life and my walk with Jesus. Because of the severity of the attacks, I have great difficulty attending church. When I do attend church, I always hear something which will trigger my OCD on salvation. Therefore, staying away from church has been the safest route for me to take; however, I miss being at HOME in church.

>>  I'm anxious to know if there are other people who obsess on their salvation.
>>  I feel sure it is a common obsession, but I guess I want the reassurance that I am not the only "doubting Thomas". Other than medication and therapy, what has been successful for you?
I will give you reassurance that you are not the only one. Everything WILL be alright. Dealt with ocd most of my life I believe, started having religious doubting, you name it, I have probably thought it, around 18 yrs old, now I am 38 yrs old. Kind of went away or I didn't let thoughts bother me for about 10 yrs, came back when I was 32, now I am 38.
If you read some of the boards for OCD you will see you are not the only one.
Your last two paragraphs about hearing things that trigger your OCD really hit home. I do attend church though, I've gotten through those times and it gets better. You sound so much like me, and y'know, we will be ok.



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