why is it that when im tired i wanna hurt people (really badly) im usally a very patient understanding person but when tired all my thoughts are morbid and disturbing i also start to find things that would ussally gross me out arousing please help

Some people certainly handle being tired better than others, but even the most stable of us can have dark thoughts when deprived of sleep.

Do you enjoy the morbid thoughts that you get when tired or does it bother you (when you’re experiencing them that is, since obviously they bother you in general based on the fact that you asked for help)? If you truly get aroused and enjoy them when tired, that would be different than hating them and imagining being aroused, so knowing the difference is important. If these thoughts are creeping in when you are tired, that could be because you have less energy to fight them. Do you feel them creeping in while awake?

One form of OCD has obsessions that take the form of harming others. The thoughts are disturbing to the sufferer though, even though the person who has them is worried that they are actually enjoying the thoughts. The fact that you are so bothered by these thoughts when not tired would imply to me that you probably don’t enjoy them at all, and are probably just worried that you are aroused when having them. Since you are asking this question on an anxiety disorders website, it seems likely that your thoughts fall more into this category.

Regardless of whether you enjoy these thoughts or not, this sounds like a serious enough issue that you should see a psychologist. If this is a problem such as OCD there are many treatment options, and on the off chance you really are a danger to yourself or others, you obviously need to determine that as well, so you don’t do something you might regret.

Best of luck,
Dr. Williams