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Brain Physics » Depression » I just need some help

I just need some help

Submitted by Lorrum Thu 03/11/2010

I am dating someone younger than me. I am 31 and he is 24. I met him through friends and he and I talked and like a bolt of lighting it just hit. We both broke off the relationships we were in as soon as we knew that our friendship was clearly headed into new waters.

We are both home bodies for the most part and he had a very clear cut up bringing in a well to do family. I did not both my parents have been married 4 times and I myself am divorced from a two year marriage in my early 20s with two twin children. I followed this with a seven year relationship. In this relationship I took back the guy after six months. It gets worse after taking him back i get laid off and my mother's (current at the time) husband is dying of cancer---I move home. I asked the seven year guy to come with me but he said no and a year later he asked me to marry him. I said yes but knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn't going to marry him. We are still long distancing this relationship, we guessed we could handle it after living together for six years. Well I began cybering and his phone conversations dropped. I made a last ditch effort to throw some genuine life back into our relationship but well it didn't work....I still said nothing. I then met the guy I am dating now. I thought he was only about 6mths older than me because that is what he said and honestly looks to be older. However as it turned out he lied and he is only 24. He has had one major relationship (with an older woman) since he was 16.

He complains I have no FIRST to give him. There is nothing I have not done sexually except multiple people. He held on to things by choice or no choice to do with the right woman. We are on our eighth month of dating and we are very devoted and love each other a great deal. There was also his classification that my taking money and a ring and having weekend sex with my previous partner was something akin to being a whore. By the typical American definition, he is correct to some degree. He goes on to say had he not come only there is really no telling how long I would have continued that low point in my life.

He says he feels like such a fool for holding back when the perfect person in his life is an ex-whore who has nothing sexually to give him as first so that he can feel special and not just another number as I have been with 13 (only 3 meaningful, the rest mostly short lived dating and a few one nightstands)and he is at 1.

I understand his need but I have asked him to leave if he is not happy...he says NO. That he would be more miserable without me but without me letting him have more women he is going to live in regret for his own life as it stacks up against mine for the rest of our lives. I am not comfortable with his need for other women, he doesn't want to have threesomes he wants to have 13 individual encounters with women and then be done. He informs me this will not take away the "whore" relationship but it would help him a great deal.

It sounds fantastical but it is true nonetheless. I am in love with him and this has seriously caused me to so a poor choiced life as a giant failure. I set out to do so many things but I failed at all of them. I have thought that leaving the kids in the care of my sister who keeps them more than i do due to work schedule. I have thought about grabbing some sleeping pills and just not waking up. I have considered letting him have his fill of women up to 13...I love him and feel like he is seriously my best friend but I am not sure I AM.

It sounds like a exucse he is using to get the chance to sleep with more women. Don't fall for it someone who really loves you would not ask or even imply such things.
Your past has nothing to do with him and as long as you told him and he knows if he chooses to stay then he accepts it. Under no circumstances should your guilt of your past give him an excuse to abuse you and make you relive your guilt! You need to forgive yourself for your past and Ask Jesus to forgive you also let him take your guilt away make you whole. Then see how your boyfriends accusations and attempts to throw your past up effect you then .

If he loves you the way you love him he wouldnt even be thinking about other women.. it makes no difference that you have had more relationships than him, you are obv going to be more experienced than him as you are a few years older. He needs to put things into perspective and let you know what he wants to do.. if you are willing to let the love of your life go without a fight....
Dont give up on him just yet.. he is still young after all and you need to understand that no matter how mature he seems...


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