bullyng and HOCD

Hello. I think i have HOCD. it all started a year ago. I moved into a new city, and suddenly i was confronted with the idea off being gay. It came up to me, not be my own idea or concern, but by the fact that everyone else think it about me. my friends, my family, colleagues from my new college, who didn't known me, but they kept saying jokes about me just by simply looking at me. honestly, i never imagined that a simple pair of black trousers and a white shirt could say that much about a person sexuality. But this kind of bullying, if i can called it that, it started to make me question my sexuality. suddenly i've started to experience some intrusive thoughts regarding this issue. i can say that spend most of the day time with this in my head. I've always been a guy with some self esteem issues and always been a little bit shy with girls, but always been in love with girls, and never felt any attraction with boys. but this thing made me feel really nervous around them. some times, when i'm talking with a boy, suddenly it cames to my head a thought like "this is gay, and you are gay", and it's been like this since it all started, and i never had experienced this before. it all started, as i early said when i realized that people thought this about me. i never had intimacy or feelings for another man, and never had will to go for it. but this thoughts and this concern,seems to keep boring and affecting me, in a way that i can control, and it's affecting me in every possible ways: studding, socializing, working. It is making my life a living hell. actually i have a girl friend, I like her a lot, and we are doing fine. until a few months ago, It seemed that the only way that i could get peace in my mind was when i were around her. but due some other concerns i've always had about sex performance ( and i always been able to perform), one thing led to another, and now, i'm always scared to cant get the job done, and i automatically relate this to homosexuality, and it's affecting our relationship. I do need help, and i don't know what to do. i'm scared as hell to make a consult with a therapist because i think the "diagnoses" will be homosexuality. So my question right now is: Can bullying lead to this kind of OCD, specially in someone with the kind of issues that i described( it's not the first time that have some kind OCD. once i had it due the possibility to have caught aids)? what can i do to make it go away? is 100% treatable? Help please, Thank you

Hi Peterthepan, Based on what

Hi Peterthepan,

Based on what you described, it sounds like you have symptoms of OCD (or more specifically, of HOCD) and are not gay. (Btw, homosexuality is not something that is "diagnosed" - it's not an illness or a disorder - but I understand what you are saying.)

If you have a history of OCD symtpoms then it is not surprising that you were susceptible to developing this. The bullying could definitely have been a trigger for you. Many people who develop HOCD often report a trigger that involved someone teasing them about being gay, or suggesting that they are gay. That doesn't happen for everyone - you were already vulnerable to anxiety and obsessive thoughts (and this is often the case with others as well).

It is treatable - but it usually requires therapy and commitment and effort on your part (in working with the therapist and doing the homework, etc.). It's not always an easy thing to overcome - but everyone is different. For some people, the symptoms never fully go away, but they can learn to reduce them significantly.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is generally considered the best type of therapy for OCD. If possible, I recommend that you try to find a therapist who either specializes in the treatment of OCD using CBT, or who at least has experience treating OCD with this type of therapy. Not all therapist are qualified to treat OCD, even though they may think they are.

If you can't find someone, you might also look in to the online therapists listed on this site. I think the initial consultation is free. If you have insurance, however, you will need to find someone covered by your insurance if you want your insurance to cover part of your treatment.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best!

Dr. Lane

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