Sponsored Links


Do I have HOCD or am I just kidding myself? Please Help!!!

However, since December of last year, I've been experiencing every possible symptom of full blown HOCD. Here's the a good list of the symptoms with my examples

Recurrent doubts about one's own sexuality
(ex: Self-explainitory, what else can I say?)

-Unwanted or intrusive thoughts about being gay
(ex: Many times my mind would say out of the blue: "What if I'm les/bi in denial/in the closet?" Wheras at the same time, my heart tells me, "You're straight, stop doubting yourself. You love the opposite sex in every way. You're not in denial or in the closet."

-Inability to get rid of unwanted worries or intrusive thoughts about being gay
(Ex: Self-explainatory, I think about it all the time and it's a severe distration for me...)

Seeing a member of the same sex causes anxiety and triggers unwanted thoughts about being gay
(Ex: Seeing any girl, regardless, I guess these intrusive thoughts like "She's hot." when I'm not attracted to her in the slightest. No arousal at all. No desire for emotional or romantic involvement whatsoever)

Avoidance of members of the same sex for fear of unwanted thoughts or anxiety
(Ex: Kinda self-explainitory. During school, I avoided even my best female friends for fear I could become attracted in any way, though I never did feel any kind of attraction more than friendship.)

Thoughts or worries about giving off signals that one may be homosexual
(Ex: I constantly worry that I give off signals that I could be homosexual. I highly doubt anyone thinks that though, but I still fear that. I'm scared I could be in denial or in the closet, though I don't feel either of those things.)

Repeating mundane actions for fear that these actions may have been performed in a "homosexual" way or a way that may signal homosexuality in the person
(Ex: Acting more feminine, such as me being wearing more pink/purple, reading more shoujo manga, reading more romance stories, talking about boys more. Normally, I love all of these things, but now I'm overdoing it to where my friends get annoyed.)

Repeating an action may relieve anxiety, but then the person feels the need to repeat the action (or ritual) again and again to relieve anxiety
(Ex: I do a LOT of checking, such as: taking sexuality/sexual orientation quiz then always getting straight as the result. Looking at both yaoi and yuri. Yaoi = boyxboy, I get turned on by any yaoi. Yuri = girlxgirl, I guess disgusted, nauseas, anxious, and hate looking at it. Seeing yaoi and yuri to any extent clothed or not, these are the results. Look at girls seeing if I get aroused, I never do. Look at boys making sure I'm straight and I feel all positive things. Typical checking. Though I'm always back at square one.)

Anxiety over being gay is in opposition to one's own values and desires
(Ex: I don't want to be les/bi. It's just not in me, my heart can't accept it and doesn't want it. I just want to go back to how I was before HOCD. I could give a rats ass about what society says because people have made fun of me in the past, so I don't really care about society. I'm a social outcast. As far as religion, I'm spirtiual or anti religious, so it doesn't matter to me. My heart just doesn't want to be homo/bisexual.)

One feels that the thoughts are unacceptable and inappropriate
(Ex: Self explanatory)
Homosexual thoughts are repugnant rather than arousing
(Ex: I never got aroused by these intrusive thoughts. I don't like the thoughts: they're conflicting, nauseating, and cause me to spike. They're by far unpleasant for me.)

That's basically it for the symptoms. So please tell me, HOCD or am I in denial/in the closet? Sorry it's so long! I need help! I just want to go back to the life I had before. How do I do so?
P.S: I'm not homophobic, so no issue there. My older sister is Bi and supports the LGBT stuff. No hate there, it's her thing, I'm not judgimg. Another thing, lots of anxiety disorders run in our family, including the ones I have and bipolar, depression, GAD, OCD (mom has it, but thinks it's the typical), schitzophernia (possible? similar genes to bipolar). I have had real OCD symptoms in the past. I obsess and compvulse, maybe due to Aspergers. Idk...please help me! Thank you!

Hi everyone, I'd like to ask for help on an issue that has been bugging me since early December of 2010. Since then, I've been having so many recurrent doubts about my sexuality/sexual orientation and it's caused me so much anxiety, depression, panic, and worry, even though I shouldn't even be questioning myself to begin with. A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon HOCD and I was convinced this was my problem. Prior to HOCD:
-I was a 16 (now 17) year old heterosexual girl (hopefully I still am) who loves anything and everything about boys
-Personality traits: Can't exactly describe it, so I'm going to say I'm a mix of Hinata Hyuuga and Sakura Haruno from Naruto.
Hinata: shy, introverted, quiet, kind, caring, sweet, polite, gentle, scared, unsure, passive, caring, emotional, sensitive, prone to social anxiety/phobia, prone to extreme paranoia, prone to panic attacks (have panic disorder)
Sakura: girly, feminine, loves pink/purple, stubborn, prone to some OCD (being obsessive compulsive about anything), sometimes comes off as obsessive/posessive/clingy (though I don't mean to), little girl-like demeanor, loves boys, smart, though a little socially awkward.
Those are all my peronality traits basically.
-I was always very shy around boys I liked. I'd blush, tremble, heart beating fast, so many sensations that felt so right.
-Always am turned on or aroused by the opposite sex
-Always wanted to be emotional/romantic/imintanite with the opposite sex
-I would have all kinds of dreams/fantasies (whether sexual, romantic, emotional, intimate, or it being in love) about boys (particular ones I know) and I'd love it
-Has Aspergers (though good w/ emotions and feelings, hence intuitive/perceptive/empathic), social anxiety, paranoia, panic disorder, OCD (Aspies ARE prone to OCD, mainly ROCD and HOCD)
-Never had a boyfriend (so no first kiss or date...or first time) though, though I am in love with my best guy friend. I love him so much.
-Never questioned my sexuality as my heart/soul/subconcsious/conscience knew I always had been straight.
-Never had any emotional/romantic/physical/sexual desire for the same sex. Never even considered it.
-Open-minded and very spirtual, not religious.
-Had nothing against the LGBT community. I was not homophobic and was neutral on the matter.

Sorry, I didn't realize the

Sorry, I didn't realize the description would be switched until it was too late. It originally started w/ the "Hi everyone". Damn...i'll take into account next time I post.

Hi SasuSaku, Based on what

Hi SasuSaku,

Based on what you describe, HOCD sounds like the most likely explanation. It does not sound like you are gay, or in the closet, or in denial.

The tricky thing about OCD is that the obsessive thoughts are extremely persistent.

I don't know if you are in treatment, but Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy is the best treatment for OCD. I hope you are able to get treatment at some point if you aren't already.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best!

Dr. Lane


Sponsored Links


Call to Speak to a Specialist

Call 1-877-331-9311 to discuss treatment options if you or a loved one needs help with an OCD, Anxiety, Depression and/or mental health disorder.

Related Articles

  • addiction news thumbnailHOCD is Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It is not a diagnosable disease by itself. It is instead a particular kind of OCD which focuses on the question of whether or not one is gay. Usual…
  • addiction news thumbnailObsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder that is generally highlighted by unwanted and unreasonable thoughts, fears and/or obsessions. These thoughts, fears and obsessions often then…
  • addiction news thumbnailObsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a particular type of anxiety disorder that is known for causing uncontrollable and unwanted thoughts and actions. These thoughts and actions lead to repetitive, …
  • addiction news thumbnailIn order to truly understand some of the more common tendencies of people suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), it’s important to understand what the condition is comprised of. OCD…


The information provided on brainphysics.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information is solely for informational and educational purposes. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of brainphysics.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Click here to reads our complete Terms of Use.

BrainPhysics.com Social

Join The Cause on Facebook

Sponsored Links


Online Support Groups

visit SupportGroups.com

SupportGroups.com provides a support network for those facing life's challenges. Click on the following links to get a helping hand in a confidential, caring environment.

Support Groups


Login or Sign Up

Call 877-568-6230 anytime to speak with a treatment specialist.