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Fighting my demons

Somewhere after july 11, 2011, all hell broke loose. I was taking a medication (Doxycycline Hyclate) to clear my acne. Shortly about a week after taking the meds I was having a lot of running thought and have been getting depressed, one thing that ran through my mind was "what if I'm gay". I believe this question popped out because I was looking at a friend's profile picture, he is a photographer and some of his pictures were about art, then I saw a picture of him and thought "is it gay to look at someone's profile picture?" I laughed at the idea and tried reasoning myself, I thought that was a ridiculous question since I lived almost a quarter of my life (im 21) looking at girls. I was even in a healthy relationship where sex was more enforced by me.
The question remained, a day after that I was going to work and I felt really nauseas and my mind wouldn't stop thinking about the question. I asked to leave early, so they let me and went to take a nap. I woke up about an hour later with an erection and wanted to just shake this eerie and anxious thought off by masturbating to porn. Didn't help... as soon as I was watching it and just about to start, my erection went away and I freaked out! This was the day everything went downhill. All I ever wanted to do was sleep and be away as possible from everyone. At work, I would spend hours reassuring myself that I'm not gay and always looked back into my past to prove that I am not. But it was as if the question ignored my proofs. I began to monitor how I walk, how I talk, how I interact with people, and how I dress myself. I began to avoid watching tv shows and eating fruits and yogurts because I thought that was something gay people do. I had no control of my thoughts anymore and finally resorted to finding an answer. I looked up at yahoo answers and nothing there helped, my anxiety kept going up. Finally, I ran into Mark's article "I'm gay but you're not: Understanding Homosexuality Fears" and everything made sense.
But knowing is winning half the battle, that said, the Intrusive thoughts and images still pop up. I've been trying to face my fears by just looking up pictures of me and admitting he's good looking but wouldn't perform any sexual acts. I thought that I can fight this alone but the thoughts always win. My anxieties have finally disappeared but that sort of brought up a new fear, the fear that I might be accepting these gay thoughts and in turn, will make me gay. I finally decided to go meet with a psychotherapist, started yesterday. My only fear is that this won't work. Any advise on what I should do outside of therapy? I meet with my therapist once a week and that feels like a long time to wait and see results.

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Hi Juls512, Therapy can

Hi Juls512,

Therapy can definitely help, IF you're working with a therapist who is skilled in treating OCD - and not all therapists are, unfortunately (although they may think they are).

As a general rule, the best treatment for the symptoms you are describing is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). If the therapist you have started to see is not trained in CBT or lacks experience in actually using it, then I suggest finding a therapist who does. Otherwise, this may end up being a futile and frustrating endeavor for you.

The reason I mention this is because a therapist using CBT will likely give you homework to do in between sessions, such as keeping records of your thoughts and practicing new coping skills. That homework is the best thing you can do (to answer your question).

I understand your impatience but this is a process. The best person to talk to about what you should be doing in between sessions is your therapist (but please first make sure this therapist is truly qualified to treat OCD - ask him (or her) directly about his experience treating OCD and if he is using CBT). (Btw, I'm not saying for sure you have OCD, but you are describing many symptoms that suggest it.)

I hope this helps and I wish you the best (and very glad you have started seeing a therapist).

Dr. Lane

Do you know what the Holy

Do you know what the Holy Bible says? ... this is the devil attacking your life (the devil works so sly through our thoughts that we end up thinking these thoughts are our own... when they are not. ) It was the demon spirit of homosexuality attacking you.
You may ask "how do I deal with this?"
...well First, You need to Ask Jesus Christ to come into your heart and be your best friend. Ask Him to forgive your sins and to be in charge of your life (to be your personal lord and saviour), and Trust in HIM with all your heart, everyday, forever. In doing this...you are now A child of God.
So now...you have to talk to Jesus everyday (just like you'de talk to your best friend).
Realize you can not do anything apart from Jesus. Realize your need for Him everyday. Surrender to Him daily.
You will need to repent (turn from), and actually mean it and want to quit things such as pornography, etc... which gives the devil an open door into your life, by speaking the Word of God over the situation, by the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
You also need to start reading you Holy Bible...(not the k'oran muslim bible, Morman, Jehovah or any other false religion bible....but the Holy Bible) and ask the Holy Spirit to help you to understand what the scriptures mean to you.You need to get to know God through His Word. (Him and His Word are One).
Study the scriptures. Meditate on them day and night. (Joshua 1:8). Then you'll be sucessful in all you do. And speak them out. There is so much power in the spoken Word of God.
You need to find out what the Word says and do what Jesus is telling you to do in it. You need to know your authority in Christ (who You are in Him), and that you have the victory and power over the devil and his demons, and you to tell that lust/homosexual devil to Get Out in Jesus' Name!when he tries to put these thoughts in your head.
Also something very important is you need to ask Jesus to lead you to a Word and Spirit filled Church, so you can hear the truth of God's Word and Grow to be all that God has for you to be. (Psalm 92:12 Those who are planted in the house of God shall flourish). Fellowship with other beleives...people who can support and encourage you and pray for and with you. Ask Jesus to bring your divine God ordained connections with the people he has for you. to connect with.

Jna, While I appreciate your


While I appreciate your intention to help others by sharing your faith, I have two questions for you:

1) Would you say the same thing to someone who was talking about cancer, or diabetes, or some other physical health condition (rather than a mental health issue)?

2) Why do you automatically assume that Juls512 isn't a Christian? That's very judgmental (and the Bible cautions very strongly against judging others) don't you think?

I can tell you (from a lot of experience) that the majority of Christian mental health professionals do not assume that mental health issues are "of the devil". Just like physical health conditions, they are part of the human condition. There are many highly spiritual, devout Christians who struggle with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders, not to mention physical disorders. It's not an automatic reflection of their lack of faith or a need for repentance. Becoming a Christian doesn't automatically cure people of everything that ails them.

I encourage you to never assume that someone needs to "accept Jesus" into their life, when you don't know them at all. Would you want to be treated that way?

Just food for thought.

Dr. Lane

1) Yes, I would say the same

1) Yes, I would say the same thing to someone who was talking about cancer or diabetes, or another physical health condition. I myself have been cured of many mental plus physical health conditions. Plus I have witnessed many people being healed of cancer,etc... and people receiving brand new knees through having hands laid on them in a healing service (and the screws which were in there knees dissolved instantaneously) because their old one's where worn out. Check out www.eddufresne.org. There are some archives, with a list of services available to watch if this is new to some people. Jesus is a miracle worker, and it is God's Will that people be healthy in all areas of their life (Spirit, soul (mind, will emotions), and body, and everywhere in between, including relationship, etc...
It's by beleiving what God said in His Word. Jesus said Your Faith has made you well. So, what ever a person has faith in is the road they will take. So that is why it's important for everyone to get God's Word in themselves so they can have Faith and Beleive in what Jesus said.
John 10:10 the devil came to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came that you may have LIFE and have it it abundance.

2) I do not automatically assume that Juls512 isn't a Christian. This post has been written a long time ago. There is no further info. about him on here.He didn't mention if he is or not, and that's fine, but I'm not here critisizing him in any way, shape, or form. I have been through my own stuff with all of the hardships. I had been to phychologists, taken med's , etc... and after all of this hardship, I had finally surrendered my life and waited upon Jesus. And he came through the power of the Holy Spirit and made many miracles in my life. As I continued on beleiving in Him, He led me to a Church were they know the truth about God's Word and how to be delivered of generational curses, etc... and how to apply God's Word to your life to change your life.
God says in Hosea 4:6 "My people perish for lack of knowledge", and many beleivers may just not have the accurate knowledge about God's Word, what it says, and how to apply it to their lives. God's Word is to Help us, that's why it's imortant to find out and Believe what it says.
I am not against medication and doctors at all. God uses doctors to help people,and I also know Christians who have received healing from going to the doctor for whatever reason, but we should not overlook God's supernatural "suddenlies" and divine healing power available to us all in the Name of Jesus, God works by Faith (beleiving in His Word, until it manifests).
No where in here have I been condemning or judging anyone. God wants people to be in perfect mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health. Regardless of How a person gets healed...as long as they get healed is the main point.

What happened to Juls512 is not uncommon, but I just don't like him or anyone else think that they are crazy and that nothing can be done about it. There is an enemy out there who doesn't like people, and wants to hurt them in everyway, and we can't fight him without Jesus.
And absolutely, I sure do hope that Juls512 beleives in Jesus completely. And that would be a reason that the devil hates him even more... because the devil hates Christians and will do anything to destroy their lives, but God loves people and wants to Help them.

God's Word is Truth, and I never said that becoming a Christian automatically cures people from everything that ails them. Prayer is a huge factor. Jeremiah 1:12 "God watches over His Word to perform it", that's why it's important to pray His Word not only for ourselves, but for others, and many good and wonderful things happened to others because people were praying. Without prayer, nothing happens. Healing is a process, especially when you have been through lots of abuse and trauma, but the Word of God is absolutley necessary for true lasting healing, and to have that abundant life that Jesus died to give us.

Juls512 asked if anyone had something besides the phychotherapy route he was going to take, and I am here telling him about how much Jesus Loves Him, and that God sent His Word and healed us (psalm 107:20)
...that Jesus Christ has a Word and a Way to deliver him. Jesus will deliver us from Any situation we go through, as we come to Him with it and trust Him.
And Dr. Lane, I thank You for all the hard work you do to help people. God bless you.


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