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How I feel around guys and girls...

I have HOCD, I've had OCD all of my life but HOCD for around 4 months now, but I've had it sort of on and off for a couple years. I've always liked boys, I love boys but what scares me now is what if I just love boys like friends? Like, sure I feel more comfortable around girls because I only have girlfriends, but now I'm really scared how I act around them So now I've started analyzing how I act around boys and how I act around girls. There is a difference, but I can't tell what is is!! I know I'm paranoid, but I'm just a little freaked out about this...

And the most annoying thing was that I went to Google for reassurance *sigh*, but I stumbled across a couple of articles that showed gay people who just couldn't accept themselves and hated that they were attracted to the same sex, but not because of society or religion, but just because they personally didn't like it!! It freaked me out soooooo bad!!

I know I still have HOCD, and it's not the same thing but I just feel like one of them who just can't accept themselves... Ughhh...

Oh, and the thing with

Oh, and the thing with analyzing my behavior around different sexes, it's more like I just think guys are funnier and easier to hang out with sometimes, but I love when a cute guy checks me out or they flirt with me, but it scares me when I feel comfortable around guys, I'm more... Reserved with girls because girl's are catty and bitchy. I just... Ugh, I feel like a lesbian when I like being around guys....

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