Sponsored Links


Is this HOCD?


About 9 months ago I got a sudden thought and fear that something in my past could suddenly turn me gay. When I was young, about nine or ten, I was sexually molested by someone I trusted, my cousin. At the time I was told to 'not tell anyone' and that it would 'get me and him in trouble'. I never told anyone and managed to sort of block it it out from my conscience.

I'm not sure if I have ever had OCD or any forms of anxiety before but when I was younger, around about the age after what happened to me, I had this voice in my head. Whenever I failed at a class subject or was proven wrong in front of my friends this voice would laugh at me, mocking me, telling me that I couldn't do things.

When I first thought back to this event from my childhood it was about nine months ago. I was chatting to a girl who I had a short relationship about it who was also a friend from work. She knew what had happened and I asked her 'Doe's that make me gay?'. She replied that it did not but I couldn't shake the worry at all, almost every day I had thoughts in my head that this must make me gay. I went to counselling for a short while to analyse some of my past and past relationships with girlfriends ( I have been in a two year and a one year relationship in the past five years being sexually attracted and physically attraced to both girls very much). I become frustrated that these thoughts I was having didn't go away as soon I wanted to and left counselling to try and find help myself and how I could make it better.

Nothing has helped me so far and I fear that it is getting worse. I work in a shop and feel very uncomfortable talking to male customers and gay customers as well. Also when I am just generally hanging out with one of my male friends I again become uncomfortable. It has gotten to the point where I feel the voice in my head has come back to taunt me, like he is saying 'haha because of what happened to you as a child you must be gay, you find men attractive' and so on.

I have never been sexually attracted to men and the idea of being gay is something that is not appealing to me( when I first had these thoughts I found it disgusting and sick and told my counselor at the time that I felt like I was being forced into something I didn't want and that I thought about how I could turn of the voices by ending my life). I have tried to find out if watching men kiss or gay sex would turn me on but it does not and this has made me feel more anxious and makes me think even harder as to why I would have these thoughts in the first place.

I clicked the save button by

I clicked the save button by accident. Any help that someone could tell me would be gratefully appreciated, I really hate these thoughts I am having and it is affecting my health mentally and physically sometimes. I would also like to point out that during this nine month period of anxiousness I have been sexually active with girls and not felt any difference.

Hi Colin, It sounds like you

Hi Colin,

It sounds like you may have OCD (and more specifically, HOCD which is really just OCD in which the primary obsession is the fear of being gay). The treatment is the same.

Being molested as a child is a traumatic experience, and it is very unfortunate that your cousin did this to you. Of course he didn't want you to tell, as the consequences could have been very serious. It may be time to tell someone about it - for your sake as well as to protect other potential victims. That is something you may want to discuss with a therapist first, as it can provide closure and help facilitate healing, but it can also stir up a lot of painful emotions. Sexual predators often don't stop after just one incident. He may have continued to molest other children over the years, and if he is good at convincing them to remain silent (just as he did with you) no one may know it's happening.

The incident that occurred can't and won't make you suddenly turn gay. And from everything you've described, you sound completely straight. If you were gay, you would be sexually attracted to men, and it sounds like only females are attractive to you.

I do suggest you try counseling again, but this time with someone who specializes (or at least has a lot of experience and success) in treating OCD. Many excellent therapists do not have the adequate skills or training to treat this very challenging disorder. That may be why counseling did not work for you the first time. It's not always possible to find someone in your are who specializes in treating OCD; but the primary treatment for the disorder is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). If you can't find someone who specializes in treating OCD, then at leat find a therapist who is very skilled with using CBT, and uses that as his or her primary form of treatment.

You may also be able to find a counselor online who specializes in OCD if you can't find one in your area. I think face to face therapy is best, but an online therapist is an option as well. Just be sure to check out their credentials and history of experience before choosing a therapist.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best!

Dr. Lane

Hi Dr. Lane Thank you very

Hi Dr. Lane

Thank you very much for this information. Even to hear someone's opinion on the matter like yourself is of great help to me. I have tried self help books on OCD to try to help myself first and this has begun to help me a little. I have not been to a doctor or counsellor yet as I am not sure that there are many in Scotland that can help specifically with this as I have only really seen help from American websites our consellors.

I have managed to gain a little control over my brain by helping myself but this is only minor and the amount of anxiety I can still reach in my brain and body is overwhelming.

Is self help a good idea for me to try first?



Hi Colin, I commend you for

Hi Colin,

I commend you for taking the steps to help yourself. I can't really say how effective that will be for you as I don't know you or what methods you are trying. Your best bet would be a book on self-treatment of OCD (I don't know of one right off hand but there may be some available).

I would imagine there are mental health professionals in Scotland who are very knowledgeable about treating this disorder. Hopefully there is someone who practices near you that you could see for treatment. It might take some research to find that person.

You might also look into working with a therapist online if there is no one available in your area. There are links on this site to counselors who are supposedly knowledgeable about treating OCD (I say "supposedly" only because I don't know any of their histories, training, or experience). I don't know if they treat people outside of the U.S., but you could look into setting up a brief consultation (I believe those are free) to find out.

Dr. Lane

The book I am using is called

The book I am using is called 'Brain Lock' by Jeffrey M Schwartz and it teaches a four step method which helps you change the way you think about your obsessions. I'm taking a little on board at a time and hoping that I can see an improvement. Some days you feel like the boxer, others you feel like the punch bag but the book helps me be mindful of my obsessions and gives me a bit of belief in myself, helping me gain the power over my thoughts I need so I don't become trapped in my own head.

I have yet to research OCD professionals in Scotland as I am trying hard to take this on myself first, believing that if I can do it myself, then it means I have a stronger mind set, should I ever feel an anxious spell in my head.

I am going to see my doctor however, to see if there is anything he can do to help and see if he can recommend any OCD professionals in the area.

Hi Colin10, Please report

Hi Colin10,

Please report back if you found the "Brain Lock" book to be helpful. Also, I hope you are able to find a good therapist to work with. You can definitely get better, so don't ever give up!

Dr. Lane


Sponsored Links


Call to Speak to a Specialist

Call 1-877-331-9311 to discuss treatment options if you or a loved one needs help with an OCD, Anxiety, Depression and/or mental health disorder.

Related Articles

  • addiction news thumbnailHOCD is Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It is not a diagnosable disease by itself. It is instead a particular kind of OCD which focuses on the question of whether or not one is gay. Usual…
  • addiction news thumbnailObsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a somewhat common, extremely uncomfortable mental condition that comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. Although there was once a certain stigma associated with…
  • addiction news thumbnailIn order to truly understand some of the more common tendencies of people suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), it’s important to understand what the condition is comprised of. OCD…
  • addiction news thumbnailObsessive compulsive disorder is unique to each person who lives with it. Generally it can be described as an anxiety disorder which traps a person in an endless cycle of repetitive thoughts. These …


The information provided on brainphysics.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information is solely for informational and educational purposes. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of brainphysics.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Click here to reads our complete Terms of Use.

BrainPhysics.com Social

Join The Cause on Facebook

Sponsored Links


Online Support Groups

visit SupportGroups.com

SupportGroups.com provides a support network for those facing life's challenges. Click on the following links to get a helping hand in a confidential, caring environment.

Support Groups


Login or Sign Up

Call 877-568-6230 anytime to speak with a treatment specialist.