Stages of HOCD ? Or am i wrong ?

hi , english isn t my mother language , so i m excussing me right now for the tipping errors or wrong use of words !
my problems started 4 years ago at this particular time , one morning i woke up from a dream and said without thinking . i am gay ! But it felt so wrong , that it nearly killed me ! i couldn t live with the idea that i m possibly gay , it made me so nervous that i had to vomit !
After 3 days i couldn t sleep anymore and i started shaking from all the body , so my brother brought me the hospital and next day i saw a doc ! He asked me very easy questions like : do you had an arousal when you saw a guy or did you had some same-sex experience ?
NO never ! To be serious , i had alot of fantasys with woman even very sick fantasys or dreams but never with guys ! He gave something that i could sleep and done !During the next 3 years the toughts werent very strong so that i could live with it ! I had sex with my girlfriend and i could masturbate without alot same-sex thoughts during 3 years !
Now , at the begining December , the thoughts stared again , but with an intensity , i couldn t believe it , and i started doubthing and checking , getting an arousal , looking at mens pics and hoping that the arousal go away ( it was gone instantly )! that was stage 1 ! then 1 morning i woke up and i had a great dream with a girl , i felt great but later i got a feeling of no feeling !!! i wasn t really happy nor sad but nothing ! that was stage 2 ! And this morning i woke up and my first words were : i m not gay , i was sure !!! And then at work the feeling came back and the thoughts but not with intense but like a felling of acceptance but no feelings not happy not sad so i checked again tonight for the arousal but nothing . So i m asking myself what the hell is wrong with me , why can t i figure out what is going on , is it HOCd or not !? I dont feel nothing at the moment , no intensity no pressure arround the chest nothing ! Is that another stage or was i wrong from the begining !? I dont know what to think at moment , it would be great if there is someone with the same experience or an answer to lead me .

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