Straight with HOCD, Bi, or Gay?

I am an 18 year old male. All my life, I have imagined getting married to a women and raising a family. When I was younger, I always went after girls and kissed them (really young, pre-K through 3rd or 4th grade). Once, when I was in 2nd grade, I "compared" with another boy but it was a one time thing. When I hit puberty around age 11, I discovered porn. At first, it was straight porn, but then I found gay porn and watched a mix of the two. When I got older, closer to now, I found boys my age attractive and fantasized about them, but found older men 25+ to be disgusting. I found mature girls sexy. I still watch both straight and gay porn, and think about both. I even had a wet dream about females. Also, I got my first blowjob from a girl and enjoyed it very much. In general, I find more feminine, but straight guys more attractive. I still want to get married to a woman and have kids, but I just don't know what's going on, if I'm confused or bi or have hocd.

Any thoughts would help.

Ps. I have never been in a relationship.

Although men are appealing to

Although men are appealing to me sometimes, I would never be able to kiss one or be in a relationship with one (I think). It is probably also important to mention I only find white males attractive. Lastly, in the past two years I have had serious medical problems and now that they are resolved I still have developed a huge amount of anxiety. I can't stop thinking about this. I can't even sleep.

And I have had crushes in the

And I have had crushes in the past, and a pretty big crush for a while now, (all on girls). Sorry I keep adding things.

Once again, sorry for adding

Once again, sorry for adding more, but I also obsess over myself in pictures to not be "looking gay" and I also say things over again in a way to make sure I don't "sound gay" either. Hopefully someone responds soon

Hi 3991, Without working with

Hi 3991,

Without working with you directly, and knowing a lot more about you, based on your description it sounds like you may be bisexual. Usually, people who are straight with HOCD are not attracted to someone of the same sex - which is not the case with you.

You may have symptoms of OCD - you mention anxiety and obsessive thoughts - whether you meet the criteria for a diagnosis of OCD is hard to say. Many people have symptoms but don't meet all the criteria for the disorder.

If this is causing you significant distress then I encourage you to set up an appointment with a therapist who is experienced in working with anxiety disorders, as well as experienced in working with homosexual and bisexual individuals (some people work with that population as a subspeciality). A therapist with that experience would be able to help you sort through these thoughts and feelings about your sexuality.

I hope that helps.

Dr. Lane

I am still in high school and

I am still in high school and do not want anyone to know about this though including my family. So then how do I get therapy? I asked my mom to get a therapist but what if its one that specializes in the wrong category? Should I ask to see a therapist and keep the information confidential between the therapist and I?

I am still in high school and

I am still in high school and do not want anyone to know about this though. How do I get therapy? Should I ask to see a therapist and keep the information confidential between the therapist and I? And is there any way I could talk to you privately to help me find one in my area?

My apologies for not seeing

My apologies for not seeing your last question sooner. Most likely, your parents will need to know that you want to see a therapist unless you are able to pay for therapy yourself (which is usually not inexpensive). If they have health insurance, then the insurance may have coverage for outpatient mental health services (and some insurances have a list of provider from which to choose, who are covered by the insurance plan).

Hopefully your mom will respect the fact that you don't feel comfortable discussing the details of your anxiety and at least be open to having you see a therapist for an evaluation.

Here is what I suggest. Go online and search for the following terms (use the name of your town or city in place of "yourtown"), and see what you find.

yourtown OCD psychologist
yourtown OCD therapist
yourtown OCD clinical social worker
yourtown cognitive behavioral therapy psychologist
yourtown CBT psychologist
yourtown CBT therapist

Not all therapists have websites (so check the yellowpages as well). For those who do have a website, read through it to see if they mention using cognitive behavioral therapy and if they specialize in anxiety disorders or OCD.

You may need to make a few calls. Don't be afraid to ask if they are experienced treating OCD using cognitive behavioral therapy (not all therapists are), and / or are experienced in dealing with sexual orientation issues.

If they say no, ask them if they know of someone who is. Most therapists are ethical and will be honest with you.

Hopefully that will provide you with some good leads. If money is an issue ask about a sliding scale (some therapists offer this).

Another option would be to contact one of the therapists listed on this site. I am not familiar with any of them nor do I know their experience or credentials, but most charge by the minute, I believe.

It's okay to ask questions to find out if someone is a good fit for you.

I hope this helps, but if not, please feel free to come back and I'll see what else I can do to help.

Dr. Lane

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