By
rjp, Thu, February 23, 2012
Is it possible to have a healthy, functioning, low stress relationship with someone who has OCPD, provided they are being treated and practicing behavior modification?
It is first off hard for a person with OCPD to even believe they have a problem. After nearly 10 years, I think this person is the closest he's ever been to a solution. I never did marry him and we had gotten so close several times, but he would always find something else that wasn't quite right. It was painful. I didn't understand the disease until about two years ago. We haven't been a couple in 4 years but last year I was considering marrying him. Then I realized that I believed things would be too complicated with him joining my already established family of two teens and myself. It was easier when the kids were little and they trusted him, but he abandoned us and hurt us all 4 years ago.
Without knowing the proper term or diagnosis, I've described his disorder as one where he is in bondage to fear, insecurity, control, perfectionism, criticism, cynicism, rigidity...and the list goes on. He is a good man and I love him, but another thing I was uncomfortable with was his kind of social awkardness---his loud laugh and pushiness at times (mostly he ws very poised though) and the strange way he would sometimes dress and ignore any loving cajoling I'd give him to beef up his appearance. He did comment to me once that he didn;t want his stuff to get in the way of us; I only wish he would have done something about it. I would love it if he could be relationslly functional.
Do you know that in almost 30 years he's never let anyone into his home except me and his previous two wives? and possibly his parents (but I'm not sure they were ever there). He got mildly disturbed because I stepped "on" and not "over" the threshold. and why? Because"It loosens the screws". I told him "so what. Then you tighten them". I could not imagine living with that kind of stress dya after day---I could learn to deal with it, as I did, but I'm sure it could get taxing if he didn't learn to "let go". Speaking of letting go, He had a hard time with that---documents from many years past, newspapers and magazines that he planned to read someday or "they might have articles I want to refer to". I told him that;s what libraries and the internet are for.
It was in one regard like raising another kid. But there were many things I enjoyed too. I just think the stress of living with and responding to an individual like that was going to be more than I could, or wanted to, handle.
At 50 now, and still attractive, I do think about spending my old age and years prior, with him. But I'm rather sociable and active and would love it if he were too.
Any advice/knowledge on this? I was thinking of still being friends with him because he was such a part of my life and my being, and I do think of him (but I am surviving just fine w/o him too). But I've been uncertain of opening up that door again, for what? What is the outcome I wish to produce? (I've been asking myself)
