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I was wondering if someone could give me some advice?
Ok, so I've never been officially diagnosed with Pure O but after doing extensive research I suspect I might have it. For years I used to get horrible thoughts, sometimes about violence, sometimes religious/spiritual things, sometimes sexual things, sometimes stupid things that I couldn't get out of my head...like "Oh No, what if I think about this guy and can't stop, is that like I'm cheating on my ex?!" I used to think "What if I did this" and horrible pictures would flash across my mind. I'd feel extremely guilty. Then the worries would switch to concerns about my health, etc. It would be all I could think about for awhile. It has disappeared and come back again off and on for the past 15 or so years of my life. I am now 29.
I realize it's most likely anxiety causing this but I still have trouble with the fear sometimes.
However, I'm extremely concerned about something else that started happening this past year. A few months ago I started feeling really spaced out during what I felt was a Pure O episode and had a visual aura which the dr. said was a migraine without the headache, only an aura. I had an MRI done, everything appeared fine. Things went back to normal and I felt pretty good.
Yesterday, I started getting the same spaced out feeling, almost like I'm not real. I had an intense bout of anxiety right before this happened. Ever since, my brain has been in a fog and I'm freaking out thinking I'm about to lose touch with reality. I'm researching things like schizoprhenia like crazy and worried that I have some of the symptoms...I don't have any delusions at the moment but I worry that I'm making myself hear things when I'm trying to sleep. I was worried about hearing voices and now I feel like I am whenever I close my eyes...I know this may seem funny to some people but it's horrifying for me.
I keep wondering what will happen if I lose complete touch with reality and become like a vegetable or flip out...I'm currently overseas, far away from my family.
I don't know why I feel so spaced out and unable to focus. Random words keep popping into my head and I'm just wondering if it is something like Pure O causing these feelings or am I indeed on the brink of something more serious?
I want to sleep but I'm making myself nervous by thinking I hear things.
Loreli,
I know exactly what you are going through. I dealt with the same sort of anxiety and unwanted thoughts which ultimately culminated in a full blown panic attack. It came on strong and it left me feeling disconnected with reality like I was dreaming or sleepwalking but conscious at the same time. I was sure I was going crazy.
Later I was diagnosed with Pure "O". Dealing with the anxiety attacks was difficult...one thing that helped me was recognizing that it might be coming on and welcoming it...inviting it I had the courage to do this because I knew it would only last a few seconds. Relaxation techniques did not work for me. Rumination is also difficult to deal with...I think mine can be less intense at times because my mind doesnt get the panic reward it is looking for much anymore so I ruminate less.
BTW I remember there were times when I was sure I was Schitz and was waiting to hear voices or hallucinate...it never happened.
When you talk about "Pure O[bsessions]", you really mean obsessions in OCD that don't have compulsions. However, this is a misnomer, because all OCD includes compulsions. In the case of "Pure O" the compulsions tend to be mental and seeking reassurance.
People with this kind of OCD tend to worry about sexual, religious, and aggressive issues. Worrying about your health would not be a typical symptom of "Pure O" and is likely better explained by hypochondria.
Your "spaced out" symptom sounds like a panic attack, and is actually harmless. Right now your biggest enemy is you, and your brain working overtime. Anxiety is uncomfortable, but if you just embrace it, it too will pass. Your best bet would probably be some CBT.
Best of luck,
Dr. Williams
Monnica T. Williams, Ph.D., Clinical Psychology
No Cost OCD Treatment: http://www.ocdproject.org