Childhood traumas

So my whole childhood was sort of ruined.At 5 I had sex many times with someone 8 years older than me,but I couldn't call it sexual abuse since he didn't force me physically...just threatened me to tell my parents lies some bad lies about me.Of course that wasn't at all threatening because although he was incredibly charming and believeable,my parents might have believed me,but well,I was very young and unconscious,so I did it.I didn't enjoy it or anything like that,in fact,that person used to make me sick,but I didn't say anything (cause I know it was something bad) and continued.Eventually he moved somewhere else and everything was ok,but a few years later my grandmother died,and 2 years afterwards my other grandmother died,and suffered from cancer,loved her very much and she was my best friend.Her death was traumatising for me because it hurt alot seeing her lying unconscious on a bed and me acting like a stranger because I didn't realise she would die a couple of days later and I had strong hopes she would recover...but she didn't.Also,the last times I've seen both of my grandmothers I was a very stupid kid and didn't say goodbye properly,first rushing to go somewhere to have fun,and second time rushed by my mother who said it would be better not to kiss my grandmother goodbye,although I used to do that everytime;so everytime I think about their deaths I feel a bit guilty and extremely sad because they won't see me graduate,get married,etc.,and I'm sad because my family is very small and not very close,and most of the people died,but that's not an everyday problem.Now I'm 13 and a half and I do have problems.I've got mood swings and I'm sometimes very depressed or angry.I find it quite hard to forgive people that make mistakes towards me,and I don't completely trust my (very few) friends;but my biggest problem is that I rather being alone and I don't really enjoy socialising,in fact I'm quite stressed out when I have to meet other people and just talk to them,especially boys,and I'm ashamed to go out in the city and go to a restaurant or caffeteria and order something...so maybe I have a social phobia.Also,in the 5th grade,so 3 years ago,I used to be quite a happy and social kid and I had a friend whom I liked and liked me too,and I think I fell in love for him.Anyways,I was very happy with him just as a friend,cause that's the way we were acting,only holding hands sometimes,but after 6 months he just stopped talking to me and dated some neighbours of him.Now I know he's quite a heartless person and I guess he freaked out cause I was almost crazy for him or maybe I wasn't interesting enough for him anymore.However,I don't care about his reasons anymore,I just moved forward,but the important things are the ones after his broke my heart;first,the whole 6th grade I was lonely (with no real life friends,just some buddies,and 3 good friends online) and depressed.The next year I was fine,getting back to life,made a best friend,and became to be happier.I always thought the break up made me more mature and made me stop be the immature kid in the 5th grade (because I really was so),but now I began to realise my problems and I raised my confidence a lot,but I think I need help and advices for my social phobia and my carelessness towards almost everything that I got with after the break up (because I really am careless and selfish,the only things I do care about are my beauty and my future).I would also like to be happier,because at the moment I got really mad at my best friend for no reason but the fact that she's so childish and ilogical,and I find it extremely hard to talk to her now,since she makes me mad because of the reasons mentioned above.
So:
1.Do I really have a social phobia?If so,any advice for me,except for "practising"?
2.How can I care more about other people and things and stop being so apathic?

Dear friend,

Your problem may not be social phobia at all, but rather you may be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from being abused at the age of 5. What happened to you was actually quite abusive because you were coerced and were actually very young. It does not matter that force was not used – what you experienced was abusive and most likely quite traumatizing.

Common symptoms of PTSD include feelings of shame and guilt, feeling anxious or depressed, not trusting other people, social withdrawal and isolation, feeling jumpy or startling easily, and having unwanted memories of the event. If you are having some of these symptoms you should see a professional for treatment right away.

Most people are surprised by how completely different and better they feel after the PTSD is gone. If you can't get to a professional, then find somebody you can really trust and tell them all about what happened to you regarding the sexual abuse. The more times you tell the story, the less power these events will have in your life and the better you will feel.

Best of luck,
Dr. Williams