Accepting Uncertainty: My Fight Against HOCD, Part III


This three-part article was written exclusively for by Aaron on He discusses his struggle with HOCD, how it all started for him, his rocky journey towards recovery and what finally helped him find relief.

Click here to read Part I

You need to work towards accepting that today you don't know whether you are gay or straight and that you may never know. I know this is not an easy task and that it will probably cause you some anxiety, but by detaching yourself from your need for certainty, the OCD will lose its fuel. It's a difficult and daunting task and one that to this day, I'm still working on.

A Shoulder to Lean On

I think something that has also helped me during the toughest times was getting emotional support from my family, friends and loved ones. I think that part of overcoming this struggle is not only utilizing practical tools like therapy, but also finding comfort in the people close to you.

In my case, I knew that I could talk to and confide in my best friend when I was going through the worst of times with my HOCD. My girlfriend was also extremely supportive during my recovery. Building a circle of support is absolutely essential to making progress with this condition.

Communicating with Your Doctor

I also suggest seeing a doctor or psychiatrist before trying to take any medication that is known to help reduce symptoms of OCD. Talk to your doctor about what could be in store for you when it comes to medications. Some of most popular drugs, like Zoloft, Lexapro and Prozac, can have side effects like weight gain and drowsiness, and could even affect your sexual drive.

Each medication has different effects depending on the person and it is important to work with your doctor on finding out which medication is right for you. As I mentioned before, I went through three different drugs before finding the one that worked for me.

You're Not Alone

One last thing I would suggest is getting informed on OCD. Buy a book about OCD and try to understand your condition, because this will help you to get better as well. One interesting thing I remember learning from a book was that everyone gets horrible, bothersome thoughts. For example, thoughts like: "What if I punched that person in the face?" or "What if I jumped off that building?"

These kinds of weird thoughts pass through everyone's minds, all the time. What makes people with OCD different, however, is that sometimes one of those strange thoughts gets stuck and will begin to seem real to the person. Some of the research I've read says that us folks with OCD show hyperactive parts of our brains, which makes it harder for us to slow down our thoughts.

Never Lose Hope

My last few words of advice are: get active, meditate, do yoga, seek comfort with friends and family, exercise, and be healthy. Know that in the end, you’ll persevere through the tormenting thoughts and become stronger because of it. Keep your head up!

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