There is no doubt that having social anxiety makes meeting new people and establishing friendships difficult, sometimes agonizing. Yet, evidence suggests that those with social anxiety disorder actually come across to their friends better than they give themselves credit for.
A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology shows that people with intense social anxiety overestimate how bad or awkward their connections with friends are, when compared to their friends’ perceptions of the relationship.
“People with social anxiety disorder report that their friendships are worse, but their friends didn’t see it the same way,” said study co-author Thomas Rodenbaugh, PhD. “The friends of people with social anxiety disorder did seem to be aware that their friends were having trouble, and additionally, saw the person with social anxiety disorder as less dominant in the friendship.”
Your Social Anxiety
So, if you have social anxiety, consider the possibility that you come across better than you assume, that your friends are not judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. Though your friends may notice you struggle with social expression that is a normal observation since you do struggle with it.
It is also normal that you will appear less dominant in the relationship since socially anxious people are reluctant to express themselves assertively. If this bothers you, then maybe it is time to get some help so you can be more comfortable around people, and express yourself with greater confidence.
Group, or individual counseling (e.g., cognitive-behavioral, psychodynamic) has helped many individuals become more assertive, and often it is a matter of learning and practicing effective communication skills in a compassionate, safe environment. This is one way to break the pattern of constantly editing and judging what you say, or want to say.
Tips For Living With Social Anxiety
It is tempting, if you are socially anxious, to assume that becoming a very outspoken, outgoing person will solve many of your problems. However, assertiveness and confidence come in a variety of volumes and colors.
- If someone you spend time with regularly criticizes or makes sarcastic remarks about your social anxiety, consider that they are not really a friend. A real friend may try to encourage you, or even sometimes get impatient with you, but they will not puff themselves up by making you feel small.
- Know that you can express yourself effectively and confidently even if you are a reserved or introverted personality type. It is unnecessary to be loud and vivacious to be a good communicator. Find some good material on being an introvert and the many advantages it brings. If there is a dynamic, outgoing personality inside you waiting to pop out that is wonderful and welcome, too.
- One way to silence constant self-judging and editing during conversations is to practice listening fully, or listening with your complete attention. Thinking of what to say while someone else is talking never works well. You are more likely to have a spontaneous reaction to what someone says by doing nothing but listening attentively.
Source: Science Daily
Photo credit: Umberto Salvagnin / flickr creative commons
