Relationship OCD (ROCD) involves having unwanted, intrusive thoughts about the nature or quality of one’s love for a partner.
Those with ROCD may wonder if they really love their partner, or are actually attracted to him or her. They might fixate on their partner’s flaws or wonder if noticing attractive strangers is a sign they are in the wrong relationship.
Many misunderstandings exist around relationship OCD, and one way to clarify the difference between ROCD and normal relationship doubts is looking at what ROCD is not.
Four Things ROCD Is Not
The core issue for those with ROCD is a concern about being in the wrong relationship. It is not about true feelings, jealousy, intimacy, or their partner’s commitment.
- The obsessive thoughts of ROCD do not reflect the sufferer’s genuine feelings about their partner. This contradiction - between how a person truly feels and their obsessive thoughts - creates intense internal distress and anxiety. By contrast, people who have relationship doubts that are in line with their authentic feelings might be sad or concerned about the relationship, but will not be tortured by their thoughts.
- ROCD does not involve jealousy or stalking. Being angry over a partner’s friendships, reading their private emails, and sneaking peaks at their phone records are not signs of ROCD. Nor is constantly following someone around, or phoning an ex-partner 32 times a day.
- ROCD does not reflect intimacy or commitment fears. Those with ROCD worry they are in the wrong relationship, not about being emotionally vulnerable with, or committing to a partner.
- People’s ROCD obsessions are not about whether a partner returns their love. The intrusive thoughts always question the feelings ROCD sufferers have for the partner.
The dysfunctional relationship those with ROCD have is with anxiety, and the anxiety can prevent them from seeing their partner clearly. Fortunately, ROCD is a highly treatable condition.
Help for ROCD
Through psycho-education, cognitive restructuring, mindfulness training, and exposure and response prevention (ERP) people find relief from relationship and other types of OCD.
Psycho-education teaches people how their OCD operates and affects their life. Cognitive restructuring helps individuals challenge obsessive thoughts with more accurate, life-affirming ones. Mindfulness allows us to observe our thoughts instead of reacting to them, while ERP, by gradually exposing people to their anxieties while resisting compulsive responses, reduces symptoms.
Source: OCD Center LA
Photo credit: Gareth Williams
