Can sexuality change

Submitted by the_one Sun 09/04/2011

Share on Tumblr

Hi,
I've been suffering from HOCD for the past 4 years. I've only recently visited a counsellor. My counsellor doesn't seem to be too familiar with HOCD. She has misinterpret it as GAD which I also suffer from and has significantly alleviated after I have practiced certain techniques. I know that i'm heterosexual but I fear that it may suddenly change. However, my doctor and my counsellor have both stated that there is no chance it can change.

Following this, my HOCD started to gradually banish because I had nothing to fear if it's not going to change. This also perplexed me because if it is an OCD, how am i able to recuperate with out even practicing specific OCD techniques. That begs the question, do i really suffer from OCD? or is this a very mild orm of OCD?

I also became less anxious around males knowing that my sexuality cannot change irrespective of what i observe or what feeling i thought i just had. I gradually exposed myself into situations that would usually cause me great distress and anxiety. However, the more i did it, the less anxious i became. Then when I'm studying, I mull over how I managed to overcome it but because I didn't practice any techniques apart from self-exposure, it usually shows its ugly head again. However, recently, I acknowledged certain unhelpful thinking styles within my self which i stopped doing, and actually improved my condition.

But sometimes i contemplate and think if it is a possibility, does that mean i could one day wake up and suddenly be gay? Can exposure techniques then change my sexual orientation if I expose my self too much to it? And if its a possibility, i'm sort of hesitant now to practice exposure technique as im thinking that it will change my sexuality if i practice too much of it because it might be a possibility.

Please help me as its ruining my life. I cannot get back to my studies because of this problem. Sorry for asking too many questions.

Kind regards,
Lee

Hi Lee, I'm in a bit of a

Submitted by Dr. Lane on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 3:10pm.

Hi Lee,

I'm in a bit of a catch22 here in answering your primary question - "can sexuality change". This is because I can't give you a 100% absolute definitive "no, it can't". And, that will most likely fuel your obsessive thinking.

What I can say is that I agree with your doctor and counselor, but I can't base that on empirical evidence (i.e. studies that have proven this). I believe one's sexual orientation is deeply ingrained early on; some may suppress it for years, or even their entire life (for a variety of different reasons, such as rigid religious beliefs, etc.). Some people are truly bisexual - and may go back and forth and it may seem to others that it "changed".

As for your counselor not being familiar with HOCD - that is not surprising. It's not really a formal disorder - rather it is just one type of OCD and should be treated the same as OCD. I don't know if you meet the criteria for OCD, but I suspect you do (I just don't have nearly enough information). That being said, GAD and OCD are very different anxiety disorders.

It sounds like you have been doing some things that have helped reduce your symptoms. But, you continue to overanalyze the "why" and "how" of it. And that keeps you in this vicious cycle.

I do not believe at all that you are going to wake up one day and "suddenly be gay".

If possible, you may want to get a second opinion by having an evaluation with another mental health professional - preferably someone who specializes in the treatment of OCD. Not all therapists or counselors are qualified to treat this disorder. If you do have it, you would best be served by someone who has a lot of experience in treating it.

I hope this helps and I encourage you to continue practicing the techniques (self-exposure, etc.) that have worked for you and not question why they work (of course, if you have OCD those obsessive thoughts are likely to continue).

—

Dr. Lane

Thank you very much. Your

Submitted by the_one on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:53pm.

Thank you very much. Your advice is much appreciated. the fact that im gradually exposing myself more frequently to anxiety provoking situations has mitigated my HOCD. But interesting enough, I also found that by avoiding unhelpful thinking styles as taught to me by my counsellor has also helped me cope better with my fears, even though they are meant for GAD such as catastrophising, mental filtering etc.

Kind Regards,
Suleman