Okay, so I'm a 21-year old guy and 6 months ago or so, I've developed what I think it's HOCD, since I've got pretty much all the symptoms (including anxiety and excessive checking). I grew up liking women; all of my crushes were on women, I masturbated to straight porn, I only fantasized about girls, etc. However, and I know this is gonna sound a bit sick, last summer I sniffed my aunt's panties and... I didn't like the smell much. Obviously, I freaked out. I read somewhere that straight guys like the smell of female dirty underwear - which is why I did it in the first place-, and I thought ''Oh my God! I didn't like it! Am I gay? I don't wanna be gay!!'' I mean, I can't see myself dating a guy, do things like kissing, hugging and having sex with one. I don't know what to do. I'm desperate coz I've got no experience with girls either, and now I'm afraid that I'll never be able to have a fulfilling relationship with a girl. All my life I've been attracted to girls and it always felt so natural and good!! But now I don't know anymore. It's like my entire life has been a lie. I mean, I used to get a boner just by looking at some girl's whale-tail or by staring at her boobs, but now my libido has disappeared. What's more, I can't look at any guys coz I'm afraid that I'll like him. I've started avoiding my friends because I'm too afraid that I'll like them. How could I have liked girls for my entire life and suddenly stopped liking them! Is that even possible? I'm also afraid that people will start perceiving me as gay, so now I'm more careful of how I talk, walk and dress. For instance, I used to like wearing polo shirts but now I only wear baggy shirts to look more manly. Please, help me! I'm really desperate! I don't sleep anymore, I don't feel like doing anything, I get easily angry. Sometimes I stayed in bed the entire day without doing anything, not even masturbating or listening to music, just analyzing whether I'm gay or not. I keep saying to myself that I'm straight, but my mind keeps saying otherwise, and I don't know how to make it stop. There are days when I try really hard to get an erection by fantasizing that I'm having sex with a really hot chick, and whenever I fail to get one I feel really sick in the stomach and I feel like killing myself coz I can't bear the possibility of not liking girls anymore. I want to be straight again, the way I used to be! I mean, my first crush was at the age of 4 and it was on a girl in my class!
BTW, my aunt is 57 years old.
BTW, my aunt is 57 years old. Her panties had a yellow stain on it that didn't look like pee.
Hi WhatevTotes, I'm sorry you
Hi WhatevTotes,
I'm sorry you are in so much distress. But, one of the first things I highly recommend (besides working with a therapist) is NOT staying in bed all day. That is one of the worst things you can do for depression and anxiety (and it sounds like you have symptoms of both). If you don't have something to focus on, your mind will keep going over all of these fears and doubts.
Second, just because you read something somewhere does NOT mean it's true (and that's definitely the case with the statement you made early in your post about what straight guys supposedly like). There is SO much inaccurate stuff like that - especially online - that causes unnecessary anxiety. The smells that people like are HIGHLY individual. You can be strongly attracted to someone and find that you don't particularly like her scent.
Considering how much distress you are in, and especially since you are having suicidal thoughts, I urge you to set up an appointment with a psychologist or other mental health professional as soon as possible for an evaluation. My best recommendation for everything you describe is therapy. I don't know if you meet the criteria for OCD, but you do sound very depressed, and a skilled therapist can help you find ways to manage these obsessive thoughts and overcome the depression.
IN the meantime, find things to keep yourself busy. Yes, the thoughts may continue to keep coming into your mind, but if you just lay around and do nothing, you can almost guarantee they will bombard you constantly. So, make a list of things you can do that require you to focus on a task of some sort. Also, regular cardio exercise (e.g. brisk walking, swimming laps, riding a bike, running, etc.) has been proven to help reduce symptoms of both anxiety and depression. Always check with your doctor before starting an exercise program.
I hope this helps!
Dr. Lane
But can you really stop
But can you really stop liking women! I mean, I've liked girls my entire life; all of my crushes have been on girls! I don't know if it helps, but I've had bouts of OCD in the past. For instance, I wouldn't cross the doorway unless I made a certain number of steps (I would go back to the starting point until I made it correctly), and I used to obsess over my IQ (I would spend entire days taking IQ tests, asking my parents whether they thought I was ''intelligent'' or not, listening to Mozart hoping that I would get smarter, coz of the ''Mozart Effect''.), etc. I mean, gee, my first crush was at the age of 3 and it was on a girl! I never ever ever thought of guys in a sexual way.