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Hocd or gay?

I'm a 13 year old boy and I fell in love two times in my live with girls. But the last time I'm thinkin about being gay. I have also normal OCD but I think I have also have HOCD now. I really DON'T want to be gay. I just want to be in love with a girl again (more specific: I want to be in love with the girl I fell in love with last year, but now I don't know if I'm in love with her anymore).

I also may not wear several clothes I have, because then I think I want to attract boys with it.

Of course I have friends, but my mind says that it's more then only being friends. I don't know, and I really don't want it. I want to love girls again.
I'd rather cut one of my feet off than beiing gay and than letting all my feelings for girls go.

Hi 41, With your history of

Hi 41,

With your history of OCD (HOCD is OCD), these obsessions about being gay may be another manifestation of your OCD. However, with so little information I really can't say. Your aversion to being gay may be because you aren't and it feels very unnatural to you; or it could be that you are but for whatever reason you are very resistant to the idea (perhaps for religious reasons, or fear of being ridiculed, etc.)

What's confusing is your statement, "But the last time I'm thinkin about being gay" - I don't know quite how to interpret that.

If you aren't and have never been sexually or romantically attracted to boys, and have consistently felt this way for girls, then I doubt you are gay.

I know this probably isn't giving you the definitive answer you seek, but I just don't have enough information to say much more.

Dr. Lane

By "But the last time I'm

By "But the last time I'm thinkin about being gay" I mean that I'm thinkin that I might be gay. And sometimes I'm a little sexually attracted to boys, but also to girls. But when I get an erection, it's 19/20 times because of (thinking about) a girl.

When I feel like I'm

When I feel like I'm straight, I feel very happy. I don't allow myself to be happy, because then I think I'm happy because I'm thinking about a boy. The last time I also feel like I'm gay, it's making me really unhappy. Sometimes, when I don't feel unhappy about the thought that I might be gay (and about my life if I were), there is always a unhappy feeling under the thought.

I don't want the unhappy feeling about the thought that I might be gay to go away, I just want to be cnvinced that I'm straight. I don't want anything more than being in love with (that) girl(s) again.

Sometimes I feel okay, but when I think that I might be gay, I'm getting a unhappy feeling. Sometimes the thought of the girl is making me more unhappy after that. I really don't know what's real anymore.

I think the picture (dream) of who I wanted to be is breaking, if that's true, I would be failing myself...

41, I think at 13 you have a

41,

I think at 13 you have a lot of confused ideas about love and sexuality. You are not "failing yourself".

You say you don't want the "unhappy feeling" about possibly being gay to go away - that's an odd statement because it sounds like you definitely don't like feeling this way.

No one can convince you that you are straight - especially if you do have HOCD. A hundred different people could post here, telling you that they think you're straight, and the obsessive thoughts will keep causing you to question it.

I can't tell you for sure one way or the other. And, you're only 13 - you still have a lot to learn about yourself and your sexuality.

If this continues to cause you distress, I encourage you to talk to your parents about seeing a therapist for anxiety - preferably someone who is very experienced treating anxiety disorders including OCD. If you have OCD (HOCD merely refers to a particular type of OCD, but it's still OCD), then you need to learn how to manage the thoughts that continue to cause anxiety. A therapist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy can help you do that.

I hope this helps.

Dr. Lane

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