I could not be more thankful to find that I am not alone on this. I guess I will start from the beginning. My symptoms didn't start to happen until I started trying LSD frequently this last summer. It was weird, every once in a while during the trips I would think "no one thinks your gay calm down" and though I would regain control, I have no idea why I started to think of it all the time! I have always been attracted to women and not once have I fantasized about the same sex. I remember my first girlfriend and the feelings that came with that and it was wonderful. Especially later in life when I started to experience the more physical aspect of the relationship. Though I have been rather lonely over the past year and have been striking out with women which is upsetting me. But the last time I ate LSD about 1 month ago something snapped in my head that I felt like everyone thought I was gay and ever since I haven't been the same. I couldn't even speak that whole time yet I could hear everything around me. What made it worse was that my friends starting talking about me and saying is he gay and I wanted to respond but I was in like panic mode and couldn't speak. I'm trying to hang out with my friends now but I feel generally uncomfortable, especially thinking of that they think i'm gay, and even hearing the word gay gives me anxiety. What's even worse is that now it seems that everyone thinks i'm gay and they are all treating me differently. It is really killing me right now because I just want to know so this feeling go away. I keep having this battle with myself, like I know deep down I know i'm not gay but my brain keeps telling me I am and I feel like I should just agree with it so i'm not so nervous all the time. I just want to be happy. The thought of being with another man disgusts me and I still get hard to women and thoughts of previous sexual experiences I had with women. I don't understand how this started to happen because I used not care about what people thought of me and I never had these thoughts occur and I was comfortable in my own skin but now it's so bad that I have to make sure I don't think i'm walking gay or dressing gay. It's hard to explain. I got prescribed to zoloft and ativan and i'm seeing a therapist for my social anxiety but I haven't explained this OCD feeling I have because i'm not sure if he'll understand. I think a cognitive behavioral therapist would be best. Any input on what helped and what didn't would be awesome and overall if you got rid of this obsession how you did it?
Hi KH123, You're definitely
Hi KH123,
You're definitely describing symptoms of OCD (more specifically HOCD), and I strongly recommend that you talk to your therapist. However, the best treatment for OCD (and social anxiety disorder) is cognitive behavioral therapy. If that is not the approach your therapist is using, I would encourage you to change therapists and find someone who is trained in CBT and preferably has a lot of experience in treating OCD. It's a very challenging disorder and not all therapists have the skills to treat it effectively.
That being said, you are playing with fire by taking LSD. LSD is a very dangerous drug; not to mention, you are already on medication for your anxiety. I suggest you also let whoever is prescribing your medication (as well as your therapist) know about your drug use. If you truly want to get better, the LSD use (and any other illicit drug use) needs to stop. I know that may sound a bit harsh, but if you're serious about getting better, you need to start there.
I hope this helps.
Dr. Lane
Oh I am definitely done with
Oh I am definitely done with LSD and any other illicit drug. I got prescribed to Zoloft and Ativan after this LSD accident for the social anxiety, so I haven't done LSD while being on this medication and I plan on never doing it again. The therapist I have now is only a Psychologist and I don't think he is trained in CBT. I have an appointment with a woman who is trained in sexual areas and CBT tomorrow so hopefully that will be the right step for me. Thank you for your advice, it definitely helps with this feeling, the hardest part now is figuring out if I explain this to my friends or not because I feel like they won't understand but I will check back in after my first CBT session.