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I feel like crap every day - HOCD?
I feel like crap every day and this has been going on for too long and I just need some help. At the age of 12 i witnessed my mum have a horrible accident, luckily she was ok but since then i suffered for 3 years from panic attacks and since overcoming them i have suffered from anxiety attacks and OCD for 3 years. I'm now almost 19 and I hate how I am.. i had a wonderful childhood and was so happy.. now i feel constantly anxious and depressed.
the biggest worry I have is about my sexuality.. all my life I have liked boys and currently have a boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years. He is like my best friend - i can tell him anything and love being around him.. I also have a strong sexual attraction to him which is evident to me but STILL in the back of my mind i'm like 'do i fancy this other girl??' i can't eat or sleep its so bad
i used to be friends with this girl but we drifted apart.. i wasn't too bothered about it tbh. but whenever i'm around her i get major anxiety attacks and i'm like 'do i find her attractvie?' i analyse every feeling and she always pops into my mind and i get this weird feeling which then makes me worry if it's romantic feelings or not.
i don't even know what romantic feelings are anymore.. i don't feel happy when i'm around her and i've seen her getting with guys before and not felt jealous or anything (but get jealous of my current boyfriend)
i can't describe this feelings except it's not exactly unpleasant, which freaks me out cus i'm like 'does this mean i like her?'
its like a surge through my body and its weird :S it's not like what i've had with my current bf or other boys i've liked but it scares me so much.
I managede to move these feelings onto another girl in the space of 1 day! now i get no feelings around my one friend but whenever i see this other girl i get the same surge through my chest and i'm so scared it means i'm attracted to her or like her. i just don't get it!
when i kiss my bf it feels amazing and passionate.. surely this is having romantic feelings for someone?
whenever she sits near me i just want her to go away i feel so uncomfortable
what is this? how do i stop these obsessive thoughts and weird feelings?
whenever i get them i convince myself that this feeling means i like her and i try to accept that i'm bisexual and like her but it doens't feel right.
whenever i'm with my boyfriend all my anxiety and worries go away. We have a good sex life and whenever i'm around him i feel so happy, but when i'm anxious i cannot get aroused and it's like all feelings for him disappear which make me even more anxious! just 3 weeks ago i went to see him and had the best few days of my life we had such a great time and now i feel like i fancy this other girl or something. Is this real? please help can HOCD do this?!
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Hi Empop92, The symptoms you
Hi Empop92,
The symptoms you describe definitely sound like HOCD, which is not surprising if you have a history of OCD. It certainly doesn't sound like you are attracted to either of these girls - rather, those are typical of the types of thoughts and feelings (and doubts) associated with HOCD.
You never mentioned whether or not you've been treated for panic attacks or OCD. Since this is affecting you in terms of not being able to eat or sleep, not to mention the emotional distress, I strongly recommend that you start working with a therapist - preferably someone who specializes in the treatment of OCD if possible. (There are therapists listed on this site that you can contact if you can't find someone in your area.)
Therapy (specifically cognitive behavioral therapy) is the best treatment for OCD (and HOCD). It will also help your panic attacks. Medication may help a little, but will not address the underlying issue or help you to manage your disorder. You can get better with appropriate treatment.
I hope this helps!
Dr. Lane