My Story

Sometime admist late sophmore year of highschool I was sitting at my desk playing Sim City and Bam... "Omg am I gay?" I fell out of my chair feeling the chaos tear me apart. I was already in therapy and seeing a doctor for meds(Sertaline, Xanax) This question would haunt me for years to come. I grew up always accepting the gay community but never identifying myself with them. When I first started having HOCD I was so repulsed its comparible to sex with your parents or something totally taboo as that. I however did pursue a love interest with a girl from high school and never became official but I was in love for my first time and I just couldnt see myself with any other person ecspecially a man at that! I had good days and bad days. Recently with her slowly fading out of my life and additional stress from school I have fallen into a depression where my HOCD can thrive. I eventually became somewhat numb to them but they never went away. I have been coping with the habitual porn as u have and it is let me tell you, a trigger, u watch it and are aroused then after my guilt level skyrockets. I have not held a relationship other than a non-exclusive one with the girl discussed earlier for awhile now aprox. 3-2yrs, but I feel I need to take care of myself first. But how? I want to be liberated from this veil and be happy and loving again. And that right there is what eats at me everyday. But deep down I truly believe we will beat this as our OCDs of the past i.e. (i had to always be in bed at 8pm when I was 8 years old.I know this OCD feels like the ONE that will do you in but we need to stay strong. Let me know what you and others think.
-Chadwick545