molestation and HOCD

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Posted by Ken on May 7, 2002:
Hi all-
I'm new to all this. My wife has recently asked me too seek counseling for OCD. I don't know if she understands the extent of my obsessions - I certainly haven't told her all of them- but I guess I'm looking for a little help here.
Here are some of the things I do (The ones I won't talk to my wife about)
I masturbate to the exclusion of sex with my wife.
I always have strong feelings of guilt.
I have gay thoughts although I am not attracted to men.
I constantly worry that I will someday molest my daughter eventhough I could not imagine harming her in any way. I don't want to change her diaper or give her a bath because I am somehow convinced I will lose control. (I do change her and give her baths and have never even had an impulse to do anything inappropriate.)
I also fear that I have accidentally smothered her in her sleep. I have to check constantly throughout the night.
I count. Constantly. Especially buttons on electronic devices.
There is much more, but these are the most disturbing things to me. (not in any particular order.)

Anyway, I am Catholic by conversion. (raised baptist) consider myself to have very high morals, and am really going over the edge on this stuff. It seems to have gotten worse since my daughter was born (9 monthes ago) and I transfered to a new plant to be closer to home. The new plant is very stressful and I am very unhappy working here. I also work nights and hate that.

Could someone please give me their perspective. I need to have dialogue with someone and I don't think I'm ready to do it face to face with a therapist yet.


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