Some other thoughts that are disturbing me.
Genital mutilation. I often have thoughts of castrating myself or violently injuring my genitalia. I'm pretty sure these thoughts are attempts to distract myself from the gay thoughts and thoughts of harming my daughter. Again I'm sure I would never actually do these things. I also have sudden visions of suicide (usually hanging or stabbing myself.) Again, nothing I would do in actuality. Does anyone else experience these thoughts? What do you do about them?
I think I kind of reached an understanding concerning my masturbation. I was having difficulty controlling the "bad" thoughts, then I suddenly had an urge to masturbat. It seemed like the urge came along to distract me from the thoughts I was having. I actually had the thought that if I could release some sexual energy, the thoughts would go away. Does this mean the masturbation is more of a compulsion rather than an obsession?
What exactly is the difference? I've done a lot of reading, but I'm still not sure I get the difference.
Thanks again. I hope I haven't weirded anyone out too much, but even if nobody responds, writing it down seems to be very beneficial.