Re: HOCD,Please help i am in pain...

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Posted by LIGEIA on May 15, 2002:
In Reply to: Re: HOCD,Please help i am in pain... posted by Dee on May 14, 2002:
Thank you all very much...but you already know that i can not be convinced...
Yesterday i had an argument with my boyfriend and my mind screamed at me: See! I told you so. It would be better if you could find a woman. She would know how to behave. You could even wear her clothes and underwear! Can this possibly be a reason to become a homosexual????It's just so stupid. Here are some more of my thoughts...

1.My mind says:you don't really want to get over it, cause it's not a problem, it's the real you.

2.You hate every man on the planet and you just love women, who are hairless and have breasts! What do men have? Can you make a comparison? (is this thought normal????)

3.Pray to God. He will help you become a lesbian and enjoy it.

4.How do you know that you wouldn't have a great time with a woman? What if you have the chance to do it and you eventually like it?

5.Look at your boyfriend. Are you really happy? Do you really want to be with him?

6.Hyperfocus wrote in the past that gay people think that they would never be happy in a "normal" relationship. This was not an issue for me,until i read it...Now my mind asks:Are you sure you can be happy in a relationship with a man? Why arent you already?

7.What if homosexuality is written in my destiny?

The list is so huge, that i am just to tired to write down every single question. I am seeing a psychiatrist but i havent taken any medication yet. Sometimes i say to the thoughts:ok come on. i will just sit here and listen.But i just cant say i dont care. Its like accepting a painful truth. And that is when my mind laughs ironically at me. Yesterday i cut my skin again. When i talked about this thing to my parents they said:it's ok. It doesnt matter if you are a lesbian.(I FREAKED OUT) My best friend told me the same. But i just cant accept it. I was always straight. I want to go on as a normal woman...This seems impossible right now...

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