I have out of no where been blindsided by theseughts telling me "I'm gay" even though I have never had thoughts about being with a guy and quite honestly I don't find the idea appealing to me. I had to take my earrings out because I thought people would look at me and think I'm gay. I am in a commited, happy relationship with my girlfriend who I have been dating for a year and I just don't know where these thoughts came from. I have been in relationships before with girls and have always been attracted to women, never guys. The thought.just came to me out of no where and I have visited this site along with some others that explain hocd and it seems like I have it. What do I do?
Its not just my earrings. Its
Its not just my earrings. Its things I did before that are now seemingly "feminine" now. I have to redo something if I felt it was too feminine" and I avoid my friends so I don't feel anxious. It will leave me alone some days and then the thoughts will come back full force and I feel sick and anxious and its hard because I argue with my own thoughts constantly and its hard to think about anything else. From the moment I wake up, until I go to sleep. I'm straight, I find pleasure in the sex I have with my girlfriend. But lately this has been in the back of my mind and I worry about.it constantly
Hi Ace, If these thoughts and
Hi Ace,
If these thoughts and the anxiety continue to cause significant distress or interfere with your life, then my primary recommendation is therapy. A therapist who is experienced in treating anxiety disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you learn to manage - and possibly overcome - the obsessive thoughts. But, first you need an evaluation to determine what is actually going on, and then go from there. The symptoms you describe do strongly suggest HOCD as a possibility.
In the meantime, a few things that may help - but keep in mind, these will be uncomfortable:
1) The more you "fight" the thoughts the more power you give them. It's like getting upset when a bully taunts you - the more upset you get, the more the bully taunts - right? Well, think of these thoughts like a bully in your head. If you can respond, instead, with something like, "okay, so what if I am gay? No big deal..." (That is NOT the same as saying "I am gay" or accepting that you are gay - so don't confuse the two). That deflates the bully.
2) Don't avoid your friends or other situations that make you anxious. Every time you do that, you reinforce the anxiety and it will be harder to be around your friends. Remind yourself that you've always been attracted to girls.
3) Wearing earrings doesn't make a guy gay - lots of straight men wear earrings. Again, by trying to avoid all these things, you end up reinforcing the anxiety - the opposite of what you want to do. Your sexuality is not determined by superficial things. It is also not determined by how masculine you are.
4) Redoing things (because you thought it was too feminine) is a compulsive behavior - very typical with OCD. Unfortunately, each time you redo something to reduce the anxiety, you reinforce it in the long run. Whenever you feel the urge to redo something, do something else - have a list of things you can do to distract yourself when the urge hits - and those urges may be very strong.
All of this takes conscious effort - and is best done under the guidance of a very experienced therapist. So, again, I strongly recommend that you set up an appointment with a psychologist or other mental health therapist - if possible, someone who specializes in treating OCD or, at least, who has a LOT of experience in treating it - and get an evaluation. I also always recommend working with someone who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as part of their treatment - it is regarded as one of the most effective types of therapy for treating OCD and other types of anxiety.
I hope this helps!
Dr. Lane
Hello Dr.Lane. I'm just
Hello Dr.Lane. I'm just afraid that a counselor or therapist will tell try and tell me I'm gay even though I know I'm not
That's a very common fear,
That's a very common fear, however, you need to decide if you want to learn to manage (and hopefully overcome) the anxiety or continue living like you are. One of the reasons I always recommend working with a very experienced therapist is to increase the likeliness of getting an accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
IF a therapist, AFTER thoroughly evaluating you and working with you for a while, concludes you are gay, THEN you use your therapy time to address that issue. But, that's a big IF. Right now you are caught up in fearing the worst, and that is typical of people who struggle with any type of anxiety disorder. But, avoiding the things that make you anxious only fuels your anxiety.
Therapy is your BEST bet for overcoming this or at least learning to manage it. Just be sure to find a therapist who is very experienced and has a very good reputation.
Ultimately the choice is yours (regarding therapy) but avoiding it for this reason will just keep you stuck in your anxiety. Please don't allow this fear to keep you from getting the help you need.
Dr. Lane