Is this hocd?

Hi Bluegirl,

You sound very distressed. It's interesting that, after everything you've described, that you say that you're scared that you're "not worrying about this enough"; it sounds like you're worrying about it non-stop!

What you described does sound like HOCD. I do want to point out, however, that what you described as always being "so OCD" around your boyfriend didn't sound like OCD. Rather, it sounded like you may have a very low self-esteem, poor body image, and self-consciousness rather than OCD at that point.

As for becoming a lesbian - if you aren't already one (and that sounds highly doubtful) you're not going to "become one" at some future point. Most experts believe that sexual orientation is usually pretty well set in childhood or early adolescence at the very latest. Most people who are gay knew they were gay (or at least that they were different) at a young age. You've always known you were straight, so you most likely are.

Unfortunately, the things you are doing are actually making your anxiety worse, not better (e.g. repeating over and over that you like guys and constantly asking yourself if you're gay and responding "No? Good!). You didn't mention if you were avoiding girls, but if you do, that will also make things worse, not better. The more you avoid the thing that makes you anxious, the worse your anxiety will be whenever you have to be around it (in this case, girls).

You really need therapy. You've lost weight, are crying a lot, and feeling sick to your stomach. (Btw, it doesn't sound like your anxiety has "gone away" at all.)

You didn't say how old you are but I'm guessing you're in your teens and still live with your parents. I strongly recommend that you talk to them about your anxiety (you don't need to tell them the specifics, rather that you're having a lot of anxiety, have lost weight, have obsessive thoughts that are very troubling, and feel sick to your stomach and worry all the time).

It's important to get help because if this continues, it could seriously interfere with your school work and your social life and get worse as time goes on. The best thing for your parents to do is set up an appointment with a psychologist or other mental health professional - preferably someone who is very experienced in treating OCD - for an evaluation.

Therapy can be very helpful, especially a type of therapy called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy", so it would be best to see someone who is trained in this type of therapy (your parents can ask when they make the appointment, or, if the person has a website, check there first).

If you can't talk to your parents, then please talk to an adult you trust who can talk to them on your behalf so you can get into treatment - such as a pastor, an adult relative, or a school counselor.

Bottom line; yes, I think it is very likely you have HOCD and are not a lesbian (and are not going to become one).

I hope this helps!

thank you Dr. Lane Actually I'm 19 and in college I still do live with my parents though, I did ask before about therapy but they really dont believe in therapy and just told me to deal with it, is there anything else that can help me just at home?

You're very welcome! I'm sad to hear that your parents don't believe in therapy and told you to just "deal with it". I hope you have other people in your life who are more supportive of you.

Many colleges have a counseling center that is free for students (or at least very low cost). You might look into that to see if that's an option.

There are some books available that some people have found helpful in terms of dealing with their OCD symptoms. It's harder to do it on your own, but some have good exercises that would be similar to what some therapists would have you do. You just have to be really patient with yourself and understand that it's a process (and with HOCD especially, it's easy to give in to all the doubts and give up too soon).

Do a search on Amazon for books on OCD and see what other reviewers have said.

Other things to do that help with anxiety are to get regular aerobic exercise (such as brisk walking, jogging, biking, swimming, etc) - that helps reduce stress and anxiety; if you find yourself checking or doing other sorts of rituals in response to your anxiety, focus your attention elsewhere (perhaps make a list of things you can do such as go for a walk, call a friend, work on a fun project whenever you start checking or obsessing).

Surround yourself with supportive friends. Do fun things and don't isolate or avoid things that make you anxious, as that will only make things worse.

I hope that helps!

thanks Dr. Lane your comments have helped me so much! I just have a question, lately Ive been surrounding myself with guys and Ive been trying to take your word and not avoid girls, but now whenever I'm around girls I get a groinal response and thoughts that I dont want keep popping into my head and it scares me... is this normal in HOCD? also I think I'm sort of becoming dissensitized to these thoughts because Ive been having them for almost two months now...

Hi Bluegirl,

I'm very glad that you're finding my comments helpful. I do my best! :)

As for your question; a lot of people who suffer from HOCD report groinal responses, so that isn't unusual at all. And, I'm not surprised that unwanted thoughts are popping into your head when you're around girls, as that is triggering your anxiety. But, don't avoid them as a result - that just reinforces the anxiety.

As for becoming desensitized to the thoughts - perhaps you are just doing better, and the thoughts are less troubling. And that's a good thing! If the thoughts are now less powerful and bothersome, then that's heading in the right direction. The less you fight them and resist them, the less power they will have over you, and that's ultimately what you want.

Overall, it sounds like you're making progress! Just know that some ups and downs along the way are to be expected and perfectly normal.