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What's going on with my hocd???

Hi, I'm a straight 20 y.o. male. Before I go on, I will try to describe you as much as possible where I come from and what is my back story.

As an HOCD sufferer for nearly 4 years now, I have being straight as far as I can remember. I have never, up to this day, been aroused by men. I've had a lot of weird feelings inside, but it was mostly because of the axiety caused by hocd. I have had many relationships with girls I really loved. 5 months ago, I broke up with my college sweetheart, I loved her for two years. She was my first love, and still to this day, I think that I won't ever find a girl like her. Recently, she went into a relationship with some dude and that triggered my hocd again.

This time, it's worse than ever. I cannot even think. Whenever I reassure myself, my head messes up the words i.e. when i want to say "Dude chill out you know you love girls" I end up saying "Dude chill out you know you love men" which cause me the ultimates spikes. At this stage of my hocd, I think about it every single minute of every single day. And deep down, I know I'm 100% straight. I cannot picture myself with a man, cannot actually think of dating a man but my stupid head won't let go of the whole "You might be gay/you're gay/what if you never date a girl again and you love boys" thought process. I have almost non-existant libido these days and this is really not helping. Although I'm 100% positive of being straight, I end up depressed and tired.

Is this true HOCD? I'm considering to see a clinician for meds or at least CBT...

Thanks for quick answers, stay strong fellow sufferers.

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I've had a panic attack last

I've had a panic attack last night and today I just feel like the battle is lost. I don't think I am an homosexual, although my head tells so. In my heart I want to stay with girls but the thought wont leave me alone at all. I am completely lost, I have too many physical effects of the stress, I cannot stay alone with myself because I overthink and I spike. The sentences in my head dont even make sense anymore. I feel like Im doomed with hocd, even though I know for sure that I am straight as hell. I've fallen for a dozen girls in my life and I dated half of them, and it felt so good. I want to feel as good as this. I just cant shake off hocd and it's killing me.

Also, what's up with the spam lol.

Thanks for a quick answer.

Hi CoreKid, Yes, the spam is

Hi CoreKid,

Yes, the spam is very annoying, but unfortunately, anyone is allowed to post here and sometimes spammers post as well. The site administrator deletes the spam regularly. I wish we could prevent it, but we can't.

On to your questions. What you describe definitely sounds like HOCD, and it sounds like it is consuming your life right now.

You said, "I just cant shake off hocd and it's killing me." No one can just shake off HOCD or any other type of OCD - that's the nature of the disorder. The obsessive thoughts are intrusive, persistent, compelling (that is, they are very good at sounding "true" even though they're not), and they just don't stop. So, please don't beat yourself up because you can't "shake this off". OCD is a very serious and complex anxiety disorder.

You are not "doomed". With appropriate treatment, you can at least learn to manage this quite well, and may even be able to overcome it.

While medication may help some, it is not an effective treatment for OCD by itself. I strongly recommend that you find a therapist who is experienced in treating OCD and who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, as that is considered one of the most effective therapies for OCD. CBT will help you learn to change the thought processes and behaviors that fuel your obsessions and anxiety.

I hope this helps!

Dr. Lane

Doctor Lane, I really

Doctor Lane, I really appreciate your time. You might have just saved my life right there. I am so concerned about what this ocd tells me that I can't enjoy anything anymore. The ruminations are at their peak (telling me i'm doomed, i'm gay, i never felt this or that, i have scenarios of me coming out without my will etc.) but my heart knows that it's all lies. I will undergo CBT soon, I have to find a therapist that knows how to deal with that, and frankly, I fear that they're just going to tell me "you're a repressed homosexual" which I strongly disbelieve.

I'm trying the rubber strap technique, trying to get my head to work as hard as possible on school, chemistry, physics. The fear is persistant and it is really disturbing.

Many thanks and God bless you.

I'm glad you're going to

I'm glad you're going to pursue therapy. I think it's very unlikely that a therapist will tell you that you're a repressed homosexual, although that's why it's important to work with someone who is experienced in working with OCD. But, your fear is one that many people have when they think about going to therapy, so that's perfectly understandable. I just hope you don't let it keep you from getting help that can really benefit you.

Dr. Lane

 

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