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Try to be short on this...I'm 56. I was 18 when mine started. Does anyone ever have panic attacks when they feel trapped in some situation where they feel exposed? Like say, eating a hot dog around others (phalic symbolism). Or just the homophoic thing itself? I also have many other "paranoid"feelings too such as just putting my hand into my pocket (sexual inuendo) and many other sexual "fears". I talk to my psychiatrist and he always tells me it's my imagination when I think others are "onto me". He's CRAZY! People DO see these things. Just lately, I've had panic attacks and I have seen the look and reactions of one or two people...they ARE reacting to me because the DO suspect that homosexual thinking due to my own reactions and BEHAVIOR. Do you agree that others see these behaviors? After all, if your mind is flooded with this kind of thinking, it's going to come out somehow.
Patrick
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Hi Patrick, Let me ask you
Hi Patrick,
Let me ask you this - if what you say is true, then every time a man puts his hands into his pockets (which happens all the time with men - straight and gay) then others are going to see that as homosexual behavior? Because if what you say is true, it would apply to all men, not just you. And wouldn't you agree that that's a bit absurd?
The same goes with every time a man eats a hot dog - again, a very frequent occurence. Cigars are phallic-shaped as well - so does that mean every time a man smokes a cigar others will see it as gay behavior?
My point is, these are normal behaviors that have nothing to do with being gay, so there is NO reason for others to make that assumption when they see you or any other man doing them.
I agree with your psychiatrist. It is your imagination but more importantly, part of your paranoia. It is not reality. But, a thousand people can tell you the same thing and it's probably not going to change your mind because that is the very nature of your paranoid, obsessive thoughts. You look around you and assume that the "looks" you are getting from others are because of these behaviors.
The looks you may be getting (if they are actually occurring) are more likely due to people noticing how anxious or uncomfortable you are - it has nothing to do with them thinking you are a homosexual because you put your hands in your pocket. But I would wager that 99.999% of the time, no one is even paying attention when you put your hands in your pocket or eat a hot dog - you think they are because that is part of your anxiety and paranoia.
Your thinking is not rational, but you are looking for validation that you are right and your psychiatrist is wrong. Perhaps you could try suspending your disbelief and trust that maybe your psychiatrist actually knows what he is talking about. If you truly think he is "crazy", then why keep seeing him?
If your psychiatrist does not practice cognitive behavioral therapy perhaps you should consider finding a psychologist or other mental health professional who does. They can help you make changes in your thinking patterns that will help reduce your symptoms. It is a very effective type of therapy if you are willing to do the work.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best.
Dr. Lane